virtual image or real life – how we live today

by Sharon Santoni

chic woman in white suit

We’ve all been witness to the scene: a couple or a family group, or a group of friends, sitting down to a meal together and spending more time looking at their cell phones than the real people sitting beside them.

This reliance on the virtual world has happened so quickly, that in the space of one short generation attitudes have completely altered.

Recently a girlfriend told me how disappointed she was, to finally meet a blogger for whose site she had the greatest admiration.  She told me that in print, and in emails the writer  was quick and amusing, up to date with current trends, definitely a girl you want to know.  They arranged to meet for lunch but it was a let-down from the appetizer on … they had little to talk about, these things happen.  Real life did not match up to the virtual experience, but the sad thing was my friend’s reaction “it’s frightening how much easier it is to be friends on line!”.

In a news article that I read recently, a journalist was explaining to her readers the importance of branding.  So OK,  we’re talking about selling goods right?  I thought.  But no, not at all, the piece was aimed at women from all walks of life, and explaining to them how important it is socially and professionally that their personal ‘image’ is seen and is carefully packaged and  presented “What is your brand?” “You can’t move ahead without a strong image and a consistent message”

The implication was that to succeed in any walk of life,  you have to create and nurture (via social media) a personal brand or image, that is immediately recognizable and will be linked with who you are and what you do, whatever your activity.

The words of advice conjured up an image of a society where each person is out to promote their own image and interests rather than being interested in the world around them.

Frankly, I found the whole article terrifying.

It would seem that the days when you just get up in the morning, dress with care and do your best to make a good impression on and be kind to all that you meet during the day, are behind us.

So I wondered is it just because I live in the country, far from any fast moving city hub or have I just fallen lamentably behind the times?

Of course the irony of the situation has not escaped me  …  here I am, a blogger, talking to you, wherever in the world you may be, via your phone, ipad or laptop.    But still, I’d love to hear what you think on this one ….

I used to blog everyday, but now I am careful to blog less often and be sure to spend some time away from my screen.  I am wary of being ‘fed’ uniquely by virtual images, instead of getting out and spending time with friends and family, and meeting people for real.

So tell me, how far do you think your virtual life changes  the quality of your real life?  Do you know how to recognize the symptoms, the danger signs, and how do you react?  Do you think it is possible to reverse the trend?

And how do you think our children’s and grandchildren’s  lives are going to be different from our own?

Do tell me please, I’d love to know.

91 comments

Pat February 15, 2015 - 3:00 pm

I think you are so right here! I live in the country in central Virginia and while it is sometimes lonely, I am never alone as I have continued to develop an interior and creative lifestyle…how does one do this if always concerned about their “brand” ??

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:31 pm

I agree Pat, the two elements don’t seem easy to reconcile

xx

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Joan February 15, 2015 - 5:12 pm

I believe I read the article you referenced, and my thoughts went to how inauthentic and superficial it all seems. At some level I get it for career development, but for day to day…not something I can relate to at all.
I do love reading blogs like yours though, they really bring joy and inspiration to my day.

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Susie February 20, 2015 - 10:25 am

This topic struck a cord with me as I too have recently moved to the country (in Australia) and have started a blog as a way primarily to update all my friends in one hit on our new life.

Now I also feel that in direct contrast to the time I am spending on the land “being simple” I have a pressure to keep up the (virtual) writing and therefore creating an image of sorts for people online. I can see that it can become quite addictive.

So tonight I put up my first negative post since I moved in the hope that it keeps it a bit real! In the end I guess it’s all about the balance and dancing to your own tune….

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Ellen February 15, 2015 - 3:00 pm

Definitely agree! I Think that many times we look at the surface and not for the substance. Sad really.

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:32 pm

Then maybe it’s up to each of us to make the substance count double
!

xx

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Mary February 15, 2015 - 3:24 pm

I especially dislike the constant presence of phones during conversations and meals…it’s just plain rude. On the other hand, I’ve made some wonderful friends through Facebook that I never would have known otherwise. I also follow blogs that give me great pleasure, and feel that they have also brought me new virtual friends. The only downside for me is that I tend to spend so much time online, I’ve gotten behind in my reading. I’m in awe of all the information on the web and find it to be addicting!

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:33 pm

It is amazingly addictive, and of course I’d love my readers to be addicted to MFCH ! 🙂 But I agree, it is so important to continue to make time to read, and of course to know when to put those phones away!

xx

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Annie Vanderven February 15, 2015 - 3:24 pm

I have 6 children probably as old as you or more !!! and 15 grandchildren when they come to visit as they did at Xmas , 8 came… I have a rule we eat meals at the table and no electronic devices in sight, at home they can do what they want but they are at my home and this what it is!!! yes I left my computer etc..alone for 6 days… easy? NO…. Yes, parents have to give the example which I think is a dirty word now!!! or is it discipline? I am french so perhaps it is different… Grandmere is a hard cookie…but with a soft center!!

Annie v.

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Deborah February 15, 2015 - 3:52 pm

Awesome Annie!

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Roberta February 15, 2015 - 4:24 pm

I agree Annie! My grandchildren are still young but I’ll hold to your rule…no devices at the table.

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:35 pm

Très bien Annie, et felictations pour les 15 petits enfants! We certainly have no phones at the table here, unless something exceptional crops up

xx

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Janet Curtis February 16, 2015 - 2:07 am

Good for you, Annie. Your house, your rules. I’m sure someday they’ll look back and appreciate the time spent without electronic devices when they were with you.

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Linda Brown February 16, 2015 - 2:11 pm

Annie, I couldn’t agree more! Our local grandsons, now 12 and 16, have always known that when visiting us for the weekend there would be no sitting in front of the television nor electronics at table. They have always loved being with us!

We also have two lovely French granddaughters in Parent, France.

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Karena February 15, 2015 - 3:33 pm

Sharon really what a sad story in a way; however I do believe many people have this dream persona they are putting out to the world and in person we WOULD be very surprised!
Now that I work from home I am taking extra care to stay vibrant and interesting in “Real” life. The social networking is great, it can draw one down the rabbit hole though and take away from wondrous experiences!

Happy Valentine’s weekend!
xoxo
Karena
The Arts by Karena

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:36 pm

So far I’ve been lucky Karena, and have never been disappointed by a blogger who I’ve met for real. But of course we all know how easy it is to paint the appealing picture on line

xx

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Lydia February 15, 2015 - 3:48 pm

I couldn’t agree more with your article and the comments I have read to this point. It is a form of invalidation which is rude and unkind.

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May February 15, 2015 - 3:49 pm

Excellent post and questions
Blogger life versus Person life. I prefer to greatly limit posting about family, friends, acquaintances, the local area, and particulars about myself. I feel there might be local blog readers that will not tell you they read your blog even when you mention your blog.
I think the trend will be to rethink and restrict personal blogging, especially posting about minor children, those people that aren’t given the respect of deciding whether or not they want their lives published for eternity.
The World is a scary place. I’ve considered not blogging at all.
As for meeting a blogger, its a nice thought, but I’m not eager. I think if I ever did meet a blogger, then they might be surprised my vocabulary can be so organic. 🙂

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:39 pm

Organic vocabulary! Now there’s a thought! 🙂 I’ve always been very wary of showing my family or even talking about anything too personal on the blog, but of course we are all free to work that one out as we wish

xx

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Orb February 17, 2015 - 4:52 am

I think you are very smart to keep your family off limits when blogging. It concerns me when other “famous” bloggers feature their children so often, especially in photos. Too many scary people out there.

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Deborah February 15, 2015 - 3:50 pm

Today’s New York Times was full of articles on the danger and consequence of thinking that what one tweets, e-mails, blogs and posts is private. Everything has consequence, and I wonder where that message was deleted from the lives of us all, especially younger people. Life, communication, conversation and looking-these things are the sad victims of too much time in front of a beguiling screen. Life is full and wonderful, without letters standing for words, emoticons instead of description, the truth of identity.
Deborah

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Patty/NS February 15, 2015 - 3:56 pm

I read something similar, about branding ones self etc when blogging. Personally, I have found that some blogs are too ‘slick’ and I find I actually loose interest, I want more meat and potatoes, something with heart and soul. Much like your blog : ) – the valley trips, the naughty dogs, your garden… Your personal voice and thoughts. Patty/NS

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:40 pm

Thank you Patty, I’ll do my best to keep the meat and potatoes high on the agenda! 🙂

xx

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Auntybelle February 15, 2015 - 8:32 pm

Agreed– too many blogs are slick: overly managed, very targeted toward sales or links and lack any sense of theReal Person behind it. MFCH avoids that, thank heavens!

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Deborah February 15, 2015 - 3:58 pm

Sharon, love all of your posts. I am from Texas & I have to say the way people dress in my country is getting sad. I recently went to my daughter-in-laws baby shower in Louisiana, yes we drove 7.5 hrs. I wore black slacks and a beautiful jacket and heels. The way others were dressed was amazing, jeans, shorts with leggings underneath. I could not enjoy the so casual attire, like they were going shopping at the grocery store. Do I try to always put forth a good example? Always! Weather we have a lot or just a little, people need to have a little more self pride.

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:42 pm

Well Deborah, the way we dress is certainly the outward expression of the respect we have for those around us and for ourselves. What a shame not to make an effort for such a special occasion

xx

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JUDY February 16, 2015 - 2:41 pm

I have to say at 74 years of age some of the sloppy dress may be due to what is available and “stylish”. We often lunch at a very high end department store “café” and I am amazed by the clothing offered in the juniors dept. . Jeans slashed and worn, tops thin and limp with slogans that would have been considered improper or even offensive . Of course times change and the older generation is usually shocked by the younger. But I do think there has been a dumbing down and a coarsening of the Culture. And so much violence in films and the video games the young are exposed to. But the pendulum always swings back so I suppose times will change again.

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Gail February 15, 2015 - 4:12 pm

The value of a good education and independent thinking should not be underrated.

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:43 pm

Totally agree Gail, I’m especially sad to see the way that reading is less and less important these days.

xx

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Jeanne February 15, 2015 - 4:12 pm

Essentially I have made my living by understanding branding. I am not in advertising . I mainly do store design. When I first started most people did not understand branding, or marketing. Now too many people think they understand it. It is not a bad thing. It is just a word that is over used and maybe used incorrectly.
I think it has been very helpful for the unemployed to understand how to brand themselves to perspective employers. I dont understand why it is important when you are raising two kids and two dogs out in the countryside. I think branding is important if you are writing a blog or have any kind of business. Branding yourself for social purposes can seem silly , but some people really do seem to have a social careers. If that is important to them, great.
I know when I had 26 people over for thanksgiving I tried to make it as perfect as time and budget would allow. It could be interpreted as branding, if I am seeking to be known for my scalloped potatoes…. not a bad thing 🙂
I remember when I was in my 20s I read an article that said a woman should be known by her fragrance. So that when the young man you are interested in, smelled that scent he would only think of you . Wow I loved that. I choose Fracas. I still wear it and I went crazy looking for it when it was off the market briefly. Using only one scent is a version of branding.
Also if you have ever studied art history you will notice how the art for the Roman catholic church was so different from the Protestant art . It was a version of marketing. As the sparse protestant movement became stronger, the art of the catholic church became more elaborate, initiating the baroque movement. It was all branding.
When design magazines tell us that our homes should reflect ourselves, it is branding … just a more subtle version.
So my thoughts are that branding is here , and has always been here. We are just labeling it in a way that we did not label it before .

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:46 pm

Thank you Jeanne, your comment if very helpful and interesting. I think you are right, branding is partly just a new word for what we would be doing anyway.

I think the newspaper article scared me slightly because it implied that if you didn’t stick to the ‘rules’ about branding, you were practically doomed to fail!

I’m sure that your work must be very interesting 🙂

xx

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Patricia February 15, 2015 - 10:08 pm

My brand is quality and value.
That is what I look for in all realms of my life.
Just sayin’.

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Lynne Bagby February 15, 2015 - 4:18 pm

Sharon, I find your blog to be absolutely delightful. Nothing you post gives the air of attempting to promote a “brand”. Because I am a service provider for a corporation, I must constantly be marketing myself & my company. I so appreciate the time you take to bring beauty, thought, insight & inspiration to your readers (me)-and I hope you continue. Only make changes as YOU change; until then, please continue exactly as you are. I look forward to my morning coffee with you on the days that you’ve posted something. Since my job has become more computer-based, hearing from you is a welcome respite in the midst of the daily grind. Thank you for sharing yourself!
P.S. Plus, I am a somewhat of a francophile. 🙂

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:51 pm

Dear Lynne

thank you for your very kind message, I am privileged to have readers like yourself and it always thrills me to think that we start the day together, merci!

xx

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Linda Floyd February 15, 2015 - 4:19 pm

What a provocative post. I don’t think there is one of us out there who isn’t thinking about what you have so thoughtfully posted. As an Interior Designer, it is difficult not to develop a brand…an image…that people can identify with. But what about our personal lives? Lately, I sometimes feel like I am being gobbled up by the pressure to keep my Brand in tact through my Website, Facebook, Pinterest and the like.

I, like Anne above, have rules about electronics when my family is visiting at our home. Nothing at meal times, especially! This I can manage. But it is unrealistic to ask them not to be on their phones (texting) at other times while visiting. It’s a little more difficult with guests other than family…but my husband and I try to discourage their use through our example, but it seems to be a losing battle!

Business is no longer confined to Monday through Friday…emails and texts fly back and forth at all hours of the day and every day of the week, whenever someone has a thought or question pop into their head! There is no mental break and it is exhausting. I finally had to tell several clients that I will respond to them the next day or on Monday when I return to the office…and I try not to email or text subs on the weekend or evenings unless it is an absolute emergency.

Our children and grandchildren will NEVER go back to the joys of imagination and play we enjoyed as children…NEVER. Change creates fear, and I am fearful of losing the social lifestyle I grew up with, but I hope to see what the outcome of this change will be before passing final judgment.
Linda Floyd

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:54 pm

Thank you Linda, yes playtime has most deficintly changed for ever, and I am sad about that.

I hope one day to have grandchildren and if so I fully intend to have a playroom here for them with a dressing up box, and shelves full of beautiful books, some comfy arm chairs and all sorts of paints, clay, drawing blocks

Hopefully we’ll be able to share some quality time together before the mobile phones and computers dominate their imagination!

xx

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Colleen Taylor February 15, 2015 - 4:27 pm

Fascinating subject matter Sharon with all spot on provocative thoughts & questions. My opinion is Virtual life vs the reality of Real life can definitely change the quality of anyone’s life IF you let it. Let me say this before I carry on, Sharon, you are the Real Deal, & I firmly believe that.

I’ve met people in real life prior to only know online. I learned that they were not what they portrayed. I learned my lesson to not do that again. They “appeared” to be kind, cool & artistic women & the reality was that just was not the case. I have real friends whom I’ve known my past that are also online, however, when we speak on the phone, their real life is not as pleasant as their photos & their posts. I’m extremely careful about who I let in my life. I’ve learned social media whether it be blogs or the like, has very little reality in my world.

As for me, what you see & read is what you get. I am online a considerable amount, I have to be for my profession. Having said that, I can easily disconnect without feeling a need of. I’m not easily affected since I believe I have enough wisdom with my years of many diverse experiences to take many people & what they say with “grains of salt.”

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:56 pm

Thank you Colleen, of course we all have to spend time on line, but I firmly believe in the importance of putting out an honest image of who we really are

xx

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Josephine February 15, 2015 - 4:31 pm

Mde. Santoni
You have a beautiful blog! Why place it under a Black cloud with this talk of rudeness and personal indifference by some.
Like the old song says” accentuate and positive, eliminate the negative”
Then will we see the world change not so much by the words being said, but the actions those words accomplish.
Please continue to show us your beautiful world.
My best

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 4:58 pm

Dear Josephine

I know that you right, and it is certainly very unusual for me to highlight anything negative here, but I just wanted to tell this story that I found so sad. To see my friend discouraged from making real encounters, and preferring to stick to virtual interaction is really quite scary!

I only told the tale because it is relevant to the theme of today’s blog

xx

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Roberta February 15, 2015 - 4:31 pm

Great post Sharon. Your blog posts are one of the very few I open for the beautiful pics, lifestyle and writing!
Thanks!

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 7:37 pm

thank you Roberta 🙂

xx

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Jane February 15, 2015 - 4:52 pm

I recently was in a beautiful restaurant to celebrate a 50th Wedding Anniversary. The couple were still all about each other, no cellphone, no electronics on their person. As I made my way thru the hall, I passed tables where Dads, Moms, children were all texting, answering and involved with their electronic. I sat at a table for 8 not much conversation, except “would you pass the butter, rolls”. After an hour of trying to connect, have a real conversation and failing, I left my seat, wondered the hall for awhile, observing the tables, watching, listening, felt invisible. The most conversation I had was with a four year old and a great grandmother who was just as lonely as I was. We spent the next two hours in conversation of everything from her rose garden, her latest trip and “what has happened to the world we used to know”. She told me she still has a landline and phone which is home! My cellphone was off and in my purse! We had fun, I learned from her and she said she was happy she met someone who could “talk”.
As someone who enjoys your blog please keep going…you are a voice though electronic that is needed in this world. You bless all of us who follow you.

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Joanne February 15, 2015 - 6:23 pm

Oh so sweet to have had that connection with the great-grand-mother and the four year old !

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 7:39 pm

That is a sad story Jane …. but what a lovely time you had with the little girl and the older lady.
Thank you for your kind words about the blog, I am blessed to have readers like you!

xx

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Debbie Spence February 15, 2015 - 5:13 pm

Your blog post has pierced my heart, for this is the issue that is very near and dear to my heart. Four years ago I began writing a blog about slowing down and finding true life , specifically with our families. As I wrote, conviction came and over the past 4 years my life has drastically changed, and slowed down. But I also wrote a book for which I am seeking publication. To be published, you must have a platform. To be published I must promote myself. So where does that leave my message to slow down and truly find LIFE? By speaking and gaining a following my book becomes a hypocritical message. (sorry, ranting) Our society has changed quickly. Will we return from this place of virtual addiction? My hope is that we can, but my fear is that we will not. As the mother to 5 children ages 14 to 24 I see first hand the addiction and the change in how this generation lives. The result of selfies and the constant urge to expose private matters to a faceless world is yet to be seen, but I do not believe it can lead to a well balanced society. Do not forsake the belief that getting up each day, doing our best and being kind is the correct path. For me, your blog presents a short vacation from the American Midwest. Your images are transporting. I am drawn to look at your blog because you come across as real. (this post is an example) Although I love to look at and possibly daydream about Normandy and your life, I am also thankful that you realize life exists outside your blog. (for your sake) Your blog also depicts a peaceful life, rich with discovery, friendship, nature, good food, lovely homes and LIFE with no sign of the technology that has this generation in its grip. You have a beautiful platform with a worldwide following. You are making a difference by showing us images of what life really should be about! Thank you. Now I will grab my soap box and hush.

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Sharon Santoni February 15, 2015 - 7:41 pm

Thank you Debbie for this very generous comment, all we can do is to raise our children as thoughtfully as possible 🙂

xx

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Andrina February 16, 2015 - 1:07 pm

Beautifully said Debbie. I really worry about the next generation and their dependence on the virtual world. We love your blog Sharon because it is honest and deals with the real issues of life, not just the polished magazine view point. Thank you for inspiring us and sharing your little piece of France .

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Anita February 15, 2015 - 5:15 pm

Hi Sharon,
Your post was right on target. I was confronted with a blogger’s brand issues recently. She has a successful blog but has little time and patience for real life relationships, is overly secretive about anything remotely personal that she hasn’t yet posted on her blog and obsessed about how she may be seen through the comments left on it.
Glad to hear that you try to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground!
Blogging must be great for “meeting” other people but it has seemingly swallowed some bloggers up whole.

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Joanna Pearson February 15, 2015 - 5:49 pm

Oh! what angst! we are in control of our own lives. I don’t have a mobile phone, detest them at supper parties or when walking with friends. I walk my dogs every morning for a couple of hours & am surprised by how many walkers are surrounded by such passing beauty but are engrossed on their phones missing the artistry of frost, the dappled light of the sun, the first signs of spring & the adorable, fleeting, changing minutiae of nature.
However…I think this just saddens me & doesn’t make me feel superior as I am enjoying even then pondering the infinite variety of life & a favourite pastime of people watching.

I have only discovered “blogs” recently but now am an avid “pinterester’, skyper to my children in Canada & all the joys a computer is revealing to me including this blog! It will never replace the joys of my garden, reading or being outside where I get ‘fresh-air-itis’…i used to suffer from this when I was little & never wanted to come inside. I still get it now at 57.

I don’t really care what people wear or whether they dress up or down. I have friends who dress up for a cup of coffee & friends who come to supper looking like they are off gardening. They are all clean, fun, kind & absolutely different. We all get on together & after 1 minute forget what anyone is wearing just how lovely they are & how we love being together.

So each to their own..I am enjoying reading a bit of blogging ( a technical term) & love the way it opens up sharing,& dreaming, of a different world. A little escapism is good for us so Keep it up Sharon Santoni ( great name!).
What fun this is!

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d morgan March 3, 2015 - 8:34 am

I’m very much in agreement with what you said about cellphones (add in MP3 players, too). There are so many people walking around who are out of touch with the world around them, oblivious to the beauties of nature, casual chats with neighbours, and interesting changes in their physical environments.

“Branding” belongs, in my view, primarily in the workplace, and in the old-fashioned sense of trying to look, and especially do, one’s very best. I don’t believe in commercializing the rest of one’s life, to each her own.

MFCH presents beauty in way that inspires me to look around to discover more of it in the world around me. But thanks to Sharon for the honest and thought-provoking post – beauty without reality is shallow.

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Patricia Cowan February 15, 2015 - 5:54 pm

Your blog is about you, your home and all that is beautiful in your world…that is why I so enjoy reading and seeing gorgeous photos…period! I write a blog to inspire people to be organic gardeners and enjoy the world around them…I agree with several comments about electronic devices…I will not have them while in a social gathering, especially with grandchildren.
Branding is a somewhat silly way to simply reference who you are and what you offer to people. If you have to “create a brand” then are you truly gifted at imagination, inspiration and creativity??Look at Joanna Gaines, she is HERSELF!

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Joanne February 15, 2015 - 6:19 pm

Interesting reflexion about the Web, the Blogs. I met nice people via the net I think social meeting through the net is a reflection of the real life. But if you think about Cyrano de Bergerac… Who knows is behing the words ! I have been exchanging emails with a person for about 15 years. Never saw a picture of that person but I know so much by the writings. I feel like I am blind and not influenced by the apparence.

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www.ourfrenchoasis.com February 15, 2015 - 6:22 pm

Raising children in this virtul world is indeed a challenge for all parents. We have five children between the ages of 8 and 18. Whilst they are all experts at the computer and in this day and age they need to be, the electronics have their place. We still eat lunch (when there is no school) and supper together as a family around the table every day and no one would ever dream of bringing a phone or electronic near the table, meal times we enjoy good old fashioned conversations and they are enjoyable. It saddens me in restaurants every person seems to be on their iphone, at least it makes for conversation for those of us that leave our phones firmly in our handbags!!!

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Virginia Scanlan February 15, 2015 - 6:32 pm

Sharon, your web site is like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. It soothes and inspires, yet makes me look more carefully at the real world — art, design, wonderful food, architecture, and all the beautiful things in nature.

Because of the work I do, I must read many publications on line about the stock market, world events and politics. Needless to say, the state of the world is so horrific, filled with such uncertainty and brutality, that it is very difficult to remain optimistic. Your writing and design bring me back to the knowledge that the horrors reported in the virtual world can be defeated by careful nurturing of our homes and gardens to create warm, charming, protective nests.

I find personal branding via TV and social media to be both appalling and fascinating (the Kardashians, Paris Hilton.) You have to admire the business acumen of women who have nothing to offer but their bodies and life stories to turn themselves into multimillion dollar enterprises. At the same time, one has to wonder at the toll this life on the net and TV must take on them.

As for me, I cherish and protect my personal privacy all the more because of the intrusion of technology in our lives. I will not allow electronic devices at the dinner table, just as I never allowed TV viewing at dinner, and banished TV sets from the living room, dining room, kitchen and library. I rarely post anything about myself on line unless I share a link to something beautiful. I would never dream of using Twitter, which has undone many reputations. Self-branding on line may be important to some people’s businesses. In my own life, I let my accomplishments speak for themselves.

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Nancy Calvert February 15, 2015 - 7:19 pm

Wow! You have nailed it – and on a day I actually thought to myself, “Facebook should have a disclaimer, ‘Caution people are much smaller than they appear.’ ”

Last year I attended my first AUTHETICATE Conference and have been trying hard to present my store’s message with branding in mind. But I think the take away is “all things in moderation.”

We would all be better served with occasional doses of transparency. Virtual worlds are always perfect – real world not so much.

Thank you for sounding the alarm, our children must be prepared to live in a very real world.

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Lynne Redding February 15, 2015 - 7:38 pm

Let’s face it, we ALL live in the age of “cyber” everything, that’s just a fact of life…. Right down to the doctor’s office where he/she spends most of the time staring at a computer screen whilst asking about our ailments and inputting the information.

I can remember my mom saying to us all (none too gently) as we sat down to dinner, “Television off! Then we all proceeded to discuss our day. Or, “Did you write a thank you note to Aunt So and So for her birthday present?”

What’s wrong with saying to whoever it is, be it a doctor, friend or family member, that has his or her head rudely bent over a screen…”I would love it if you could put that away for a moment and spend some time looking in my eyes as you talk with me.” Or, as I say to people I book each day for work, “You can confirm your booking via text message, BUT if you REALLY want to know how I’m doing, kindly pick up the phone and call”.

We have all been so desensitized by modern technology, it’s time to speak out for a balance between efficiency and manners.

And Sharon, you bring such joy and inspiration to those of us each day who look forward to your blog. You ARE that perfect balance. The very fact that you are reaching out to us for feedback is evidence enough that you are “technologically” looking us in the eye and sharing, not just preaching.

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Marian from UK February 15, 2015 - 7:39 pm

Sharon, this is a real problem I think and it’s one worth talking about. It’s excess and lack of control that’s the enemy with technology, not the technology itself. Recently, I found this short film on You tube. It’s made by an amazing young man and is worth watching to the very end – I urge all your readers to watch it and maybe show their children and grandchildren – it’s such a salutary lesson and so wonderfully expressed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu-_V02if_k

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Marian from UK February 15, 2015 - 7:39 pm

Oh. I forgot to say, just in case the link doesn’t work – it’s called Look Up.

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Lorrie February 15, 2015 - 8:47 pm

A very interesting topic, Sharon, and very apropos to bloggers of all sorts. I think that at times it’s hard to portray one’s true self online. I know that I probably come across as much chattier on my blog than I am in real life where I prefer to listen and watch until I feel I have something to contribute. Yet I don’t think I’m conveying another persona on my blog – it’s a different part of me, that’s all, not an intent to deceive. The bloggers I have met in person have been lovely.
As to technology at the table – we’ve never allowed it and it’s not an issue when family comes over (children, cousins, nieces, nephews). Meal times are for conversation. Someone may excuse him or herself to take an important phone call, but that happened long before cell phones. I do confess that on weekends, my husband and I frequently eat dinner on trays in front of the television – but sometimes we end up talking and ignoring what’s on the screen as we sit side by side on the couch.

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Angela Muller February 15, 2015 - 9:18 pm

Such a critical post, Sharon, with so many divergent issues. I don’t feel that keeping up with and participating in the new technology has to diminish one’s true self, as long as we know who we are. This new technique of “branding” an identity only goes so far. It is merely a shell, and will never be a replacement for substance and confidence. However, in many ways we have become a superficial society, valuing youth over maturity, doubting that it is possible to live a “rich” life without tons of money, preferring to text rather than speak, trusting the written or spoken word without question or investigation, and the list goes on. Both worlds, the familiar and the “new” should be able to coexist, taking the best from each and discarding that which diminishes. Our educators have abandoned their students, valuing the latest “trend” over reason, preferring weakness of character over strength. It’s up to us, those who can see the value of both worlds, to consciously instill those truths to the young. Substance, strength, confidence and perseverance needs to become the new mantra. “May the force be with us!”

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vicki archer February 15, 2015 - 9:39 pm

Hello Sharon,

When I read this post my immediate thought was… Help! I hope that wasn’t me.. 😉 😉

I do often reflect on the virtual v’s the real impression and my feeling is that it is almost impossible to live up to online expectation.

Not because those of us who do have a profile online misrepresent ourselves but more so because of readers perceptions. When we become attached online to a personality they do become our friends and I do believe we perceive them in the way that we want to. This might not be entirely accurate or real.

Generally speaking, in the blogging community that I have been introduced to over the last six years, the people I have met in the real world have turned out to be even more charming in reality. True to their online personas but just so much better in real life. Yourself included 🙂

As to image and branding, any successful business will require those; the difference these days is that so many businesses are about individuals. The self is the brand and the product, hence the delusion on so many fronts. Think of celebrities and the manufactured profiles that accompany many of them… I am sure they are very different individuals to those that we see on Instagram or Twitter.

Interesting conversation, thank you… and when we have lunch… if you leave early, I will know why.. 😉 xv

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Lyn February 15, 2015 - 10:04 pm

I think you are absolutely right, sometimes I will start following a blog and after a couple of weeks, realize that it is the same thing over and over. I love your blog because your flower arrangements and photos are so beautiful and uplifting, I could do with some table setting advice – yours are wonderful. I also love to hear what the pups are up to.

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Stacy February 15, 2015 - 10:29 pm

Well if there is one thing I have learned in my 40+ years on this earth it is that balance is absolutely essential in every aspect of life and technology is no exception. This bi-polar approach of all or nothing to everything from dieting to medicine is the reason for more heartache and disillusionment than the actual problems they were targeted to remedy. These advaces in technology were originally meant to streamline our world, make our lives and our connections easier and more efficient. Alas, the children cannot walk to school without a device that connects them to thousands of friend s (not all of them savory) in their back pocket. The spoken word has taken a backseat to text messages and books are a dying breed. I am not in a celebratory mood over this overabundance of technological advancements as something is getting lost in the translation. The human touch, the sound of ones voice, the warmth of ones’ embrace, the excellence of ones character all overshadowed by Instagram and Facebook. I am as much in favor of technological advancement as anyone and to deny or ignore its existence in an ever changing world in foolhardy to sat the least. But it should never be a replacement for human nature only an enhancement to our lives. Private time, a quiet walk on a snowy evening, a glass of wine in front of a roaring fire, a jog along the waters edge with the waves lapping my feet, or an intimate candlelit dinner for two, these are the moments I truly treasure. No time online can replace these. I do hope the younger generation does not let happiness get lost in the shuffle

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Carol Preston February 16, 2015 - 12:08 am

I am sick of the word, “brand” and the connotation that goes with it! I want to scream, just be yourself and be the person that God would have you be, and your brand will take care of itself!

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Carol Preston February 16, 2015 - 12:09 am

Sharon, thank you for inspiring all of us to just live and enjoy each day and our surroundings!

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Jenny Ledermann February 16, 2015 - 1:43 am

I couldn’t agree with you more! I live in the country like you, have horses chickens, dogs
cats and I’m surrounded by cattle! I Love the way the French appreciate things and take the time to Savor!! When I go to town and I actually look people in the eye and talk to them I can tell they’re surprised and often uncomfortable. It’s so sad! I spent a lot of time
with my grandparents growing up they were so real, I’ll miss them forever! Sometimes I hate all this electronic stuff to make our lives easier! Yeh right, it just makes it easier to work all the time! So God Bless You for limiting yourself!
Thank you, for the beauty you share with us, and the reminder to enjoy! Jenny. Calif!

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La Contessa February 16, 2015 - 2:17 am

Your friend is RIGHT!I have met a few BLOGGERS and for the most part they areNOT who they portray themselves to be!I have come away…….disappointed.YOU ARENOT IN THIS GROUP!
Yesterday , I had 6 for lunch……………3 got out their phones at lunch and were checking……whatever………I thought REALLY??One was my age and the other two in their 20’s.I find it all VERY RUDE.There is a time and place for your phone.Definately NOT AT THE TABLE when you are eating and visiting with friends you haven’t seen in months…..in my case years!

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Joanna Pearson March 4, 2015 - 4:23 pm

Love your use of CAPITALS!

LA Contessa.

I understand your indignation

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Katherine February 16, 2015 - 2:29 am

The responses to your post shows that many people carry the same torch about this subject. We are not brands – we are people with hearts and feelings.
I write my blog about life around me. Sometimes I write, sometimes I can’t think of anything I want to share with the world. We don’t always need to speak.
When I read I want it to have some meat to it. We have become a society of regurgitating just for the sake of being a voice.

My almost five year old granddaughter doesn’t use an ipad or computer. Her passion is art. She draws, sings, dances, reads and she continually writes notes to all of us. The sad thing is that this is not the norm any longer.

The thing I like the most about my cell phone is that if I decide not to take a call – I don’t. That is what voice mail is for – and no, we do not need to apologize for using the technology of ignoring a call. We plugged in to this technology, we can unplug whenever we choose.

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Julia February 16, 2015 - 4:39 am

I love your blog and always read it, even though I don’t comment much. I really appreciate what you said. I think you’re right, that the idea of branding has gone too far. People need the freedom to be complex, to be elegant when they want or silent when they want. I do love sharing cheerful things on my blog but in real life, there are sometimes sad or lonely or upset times, and these are all completely normal.

We’re all human and complicated in a beautiful way. But social media puts more and more pressure to pick one style. I too feel readers demand too much “niche” or “brand” from a blog or company or person. The obsession with social media and branding is exposing the world to more variety, but at the same time, forcing people to claim a specific brand/personality/style, with no room or grace to change. Everyone wants to be accepted so they end up forgetting to be themselves and they don’t extend that grace to others either.

I’ve been conflicted with my blog at times. I lost readers once when I posted something crazy when I was going through a very hard time. Losing the readers stung way more than it should have and I even considered deleting my blog. Society is losing something extraordinarily valuable if we forget how complicated and beautiful people are in real life. You can’t see a “twinkle in the eye” or shy smile over the internet. We’re not all businesses, we’re just plain people.

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Anna Smith February 16, 2015 - 6:24 am

Oh dear,
Most of our family members & friends cannot possibly sit down to a meal or for drinks and chat…without their iphone/smart phone….It is so rude. Maybe we, who object to this, should actually send the old-fashioned written invitation and adding a p.s,”please do not bring your mobile device e.g smart phone, because we think that you’re smart enough)!!! however, a bottle of something nice to drink whilst’ actually’ chatting would be appreciate…………………………d”…too wordy, I know…gawd..

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gina February 16, 2015 - 6:35 am

Wow, I must be so naive, anyway I prefer the word style and yours is fantastic, I look forward each time to what’s going on in your beautiful real world

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Stacey L. Lacik February 16, 2015 - 6:52 am

Sharon, I love your site.
As a writer, it is required to have a ‘brand’ or a platform, but her is how I think of it: Be yourself, but be your best self. From the look of my business cards, to the overall look of my website, to the way I decorate my office, all are expressions of who I am- no different than how I choose to dress or decorate my home.
When my daughters lived at home, their friends got a kick out of the fact that no matter how we were struggling financially, every single Sunday after church we stopped at the grocery store for the Sunday paper, a loaf of fresh bread and flowers for the table. (Even if some weeks it was only one flower!) Whenever I hold their babies for any length of time, they always say, when I hand the baby over, “Now he/she smells just like Aunt Stacey!” because of whatever perfume I’m wearing that day. (Though even the little boys smell like Elizabeth Arden, or Chanel, their mothers still like it.)
Yes, having a website or a blog, or a business does involve having an ‘image’ but your site is your online ‘address’ and taking care of it, and making it pretty is not about being inauthentic, it’s about keeping your virtual front porch clean and pretty for your guests. (Visitors.) Keeping it clean and well-swept, and putting pretty ‘flowers’ (photos and other decorative elements) out is not about being fake (or shouldn’t be) but should simply be to show that you care, and want to bring a bit more beauty to the world.

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sylvia faye February 16, 2015 - 7:40 am

Branding or brainwashing times are no longer geared to the very basics of life.

Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Remember that song? Now it is the other way around. Playing around that is!

The basics of life is given to us by God in the Ten Commandments……
Faith, Love, Marriage, Family, Responsibility, Respect, Patience, Committment, etc.

If the world was God centered instead of about me, myself and I…..and all the material world.

Living life was an education when I grew up and mother was always there when I needed her. Meals were healthy, homegrown and tasty. Respect was the order of the day. Tacky dressing was for the few or the extreme poor. One cares about each other. We didn’t live in a police state. Noice was something that happened occasionally and for a purpose like at a football game. Sports was a game and everyone looked to root for their favorite high school team.

We are puppets in a world ruled by puppets.

Women need to learn to be ladies who know that dresses were made for them and it is alright to look nice in one. A little makeup to enhance, hair well groomed and yes we loved our aprons and they were fresh and clean when the love of our life returned home. Children loved their daily baths and knowing when daddy was coming home and they had so much to share with them.

Family nights didn’t have to be planned .. they were daily affairs … as was respect for the family and joy when a new baby arrived. Life was so much simpler and no one was in debt except for a home or a car. No one wanted to have debts. We purchased on installment plan and when the item was paid it was then brought home. No one lived above their means. Marriages worked because the couples worked hard together to make it so because they are the building blocks of society and not businesses.

Yes I am grateful that I lived in those times and would not wish to be young today. Women were respected because they were not sex objects then.

With a grateful heart for your post as you are right on the money, Sharon.
LOve your posts.

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Debbie Spence February 19, 2015 - 2:13 am

I just have to say that I enjoyed your comment.

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Lori February 16, 2015 - 1:05 pm

It is interesting to watch how everything has changed so fast. Even my 26 year old, who is the generations raised with cell phones, noticed while teaching at a middle school last week how at lunch every student was head down looking at their phones. Not one conversation going on. She just thought it was so sad. I see a new profession in the future, Verbal Communication Specialist.

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Bev February 16, 2015 - 1:31 pm

Beautifully stated, Debbie Spence. I don’t have time at this moment to read all of these replies because I have a real job to go to that earns real money in real life. But I couldn’t agree more wholeheartedly with your comments about the downsides of this virtual world. Of course, there are huge benefits, and we all enjoy reading your blog and others that we like. But there comes a time when we must walk away and engage in our own lives instead of living vicariously through others. I have made a point to start to notice how others are so engrossed in their “device” that they completely ignore who they are with, including their own children, spouses, parents, etc. I find it truly sad. I have a “device” or a stupid phone that I use for emergencies only. I’m not the most popular person in my family for my views to say the least, but I am holding firm and living a “real” life. Thanks to all who posted.

Bev

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Kathy February 16, 2015 - 3:52 pm

For years I worked at two universities. When I first started everyone walking across campus would smile and say hello. That all changed with iPods and from there into smart phones. I know many Professors are frustrated because the students have zero social skills and aren’t able to express their thoughts in an adult manner.

I guess in a way there has always been a bit of branding but it wasn’t called that. Who you’re friends with where you live the kind of car you drive and even the type of dog you own made statements who you were. In my town you have to have a manicure daily, drive a suv and the dog better be a golden retriever. I don’t have any of those things haha. I agree, it’s always been very shallow. Phones at the table are not acceptable but my other pet peeve is what’s with grown men sitting at the table in a restaurant wearing a hat?!!

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Lola Wi February 16, 2015 - 4:17 pm

I totally agree! We’ve become unmindful of others because we’re so glued to our gadgets. We lost our interpersonal skills. And that is so sad. I remember how pleasant to be at the airport when people smile and say ‘hi’ to one another. I miss that. And virtual image is another thing. I know one whose virtual image is exactly opposite in real life.

You have a beautiful blog. Thank you for sharing.

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Cindy February 16, 2015 - 4:42 pm

Dearest Sharon! You are an oasis of beauty, elegance and soul-filling living! It truly is such a graceless age, and your blog is a beacon that shouts, “there is a deeper way to live, to grow, to feed your soul”…I can’t count the times I’ve been exhausted mentally, emotionally or physically, and then see your site and feel refreshed in every way. My husband and I plan to visit Normandy in 2018, to visit my great-uncle’s grave (he died in WWI in the battle of Meuse-Argonne). Hoping to actually meet you then! You’ll get a kick out of my Southern-accented French (we live in Nashville). You have such a gift for seeing the exquisite in places others miss. Well, off to take our Bernese Mountain Dog puppy outside to see her first snow:) It rarely snows here, and Daisy’s just amazed and entranced; I always tell people to learn from their pets how to live a joyful, mindful and interesting life! Blessings abundant to you and yours!

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Teresa O February 16, 2015 - 4:45 pm

Much food for thought was provided in your post. I think we all have a sense of style that perhaps some are calling branding these days. I want to brand my fledgling business, but not myself. Don’t you think having a sense of style is innate? We each do things in our own ways, often inspired by art, fashion, trends, what we love, what we dislike, how we were raised & so many more influences. To me branding equals consistency while style is ever evolving. A part of me feels sorry for the younger generations. I wonder will they struggle learning the art of conversation if their faces always turn towards a screen? There’s mystery & excitement when sitting across from someone face to face, eye to eye sharing information, personal & trivial.

Thank you for posting your thoughts on the age of technology, these are thoughts that make us think.

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CarleeH February 16, 2015 - 7:20 pm

I, too, find the whole thing ‘terrifying’ as you say in your original post. To me, it is one more way we see ‘life out of balance’ and people focused on something other than their authentic self and discovering the richness of that avenue. My dear Mother, recently deceased, would often say the last few years, ‘I fear for my Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren (and the world they are inheriting.). I find myself having the same thoughts! I LOVE that we can communicate this way but it has too much power and control over us. I was at a lovely function yesterday with young woman 2-3 decades younger than I. Lovely, responsible, caring women from what I know of them. It was a gathering that involved being engaged in an activity. I stood back at one point, looked at the group, and saw how 3 of the 6 were texting or something. Even the ‘instructor’ was doing so at one point. It is simply amazing that even for a couple of hours or less, someone cannot leave their ‘smartphones’ alone and BE PRESENT TO LIFE AND THE MOMENT. And yet we have technology companies spending a fortune on teaching their employees ‘mindfulness’ techniques. How ironic is that? There is ALWAYS a price to pay when there is LIFE OUT OF BALANCE. And to me, there is a compounding of the issue/problem because there also seems to be less and less attention to the ‘wisdom of age and experience’ than there was in my life growing up in the 50s to present day. That is a topic for another time, but equally sad and troublesome, I guess I would say.

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Penelope Ann February 16, 2015 - 10:45 pm

Sharon, I certainly LOVE your blog because the photographs and words you share seem so real and this gives me a glimpse of life in France, which captured my heart on my first visit. I believe you are wise not to post everyday! One of my daughters is very blessed to work in the creative field in CA, US and she works with professional people who are often mentioned on other blogs. She does branding as well. She doesn’t do FB and she doesn’t do social media because she likes to keep her mind clear and her creative thoughts come to her when she is hiking or outdoors or painting or photographing something on the weekends. She is rare and very private. Perhaps this is why success has come to her. Over the holidays, she and I discussed “branding” and it is such a necessity today in personal businesses and now even on blog sites. I blog because I have something to say [ha] and recently started a new blog because of my love for France. Keep doing what you are doing and stay true to your heart! I will keep reading your lovely blog!

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betsy February 17, 2015 - 12:08 am

I used to have a Facebook account. I gave it up. I talked with the same people I would see occasionally, tell jokes and talk about what happened a minute ago. When we got together in person, it was like boring. Nothing to talk about , no pictures to exchange about grand’s or children as their faces were plastered everywhere on Facebook.
I do have a blog but do not update as much as I used too.
I find this virtual world a little scary at times. My grandson comes to visit and always online or texting someone. I take it away from him as I find it rude. It’s getting so his sentences contain no more that three words.
I understand you completely about the virtual world today.

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Tracy Wood February 17, 2015 - 5:44 am

Interesting post Sharon, and I enjoyed reading all the responses. It’s a different world today, but I think that’s something that every generation has said. So much technology now, which is fantastic, but we have to know when to turn off. Sometimes, that’s difficult. I’m new to the blogging game, I started it to grow my business. I’m a food stylist and recipe developer. I’m hoping that the image I’m giving out to the world is a good one. Food after all is about sharing, and love. I do enjoy your blog very much, and I’m glad that you’re not blogging every day, there’s so much else to do in life.
Thanks, xTracy

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Candice@NotesFromABroad February 18, 2015 - 9:57 pm

That happened to me when I was living in Buenos Aires ! A person who had read my blog for a while, was there and she emailed me and asked me to meet her . I don’t really like to meet strangers like that but she was so nice in her email. I met her at a favorite cafe where I know visitors and locals alike are happy with the food and drink plus the location was great .. on a corner with views of everything right before you ..
She was very quiet and made me feel as if I should continue to jabber along and entertain her ? I don’t know, I felt like I was a terrible disappointment . I even had the dog with me, she liked him more I think. My husband told me, when I went home and told him what a failure that was ! that I should stay mysterious and just be nice but don’t meet anyone anymore lol … Now that I don’t live in Buenos Aires, no one wants to meet me anymore anyway lol … I will meet you though .. I would be happy to bore you 🙂

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Holly February 24, 2015 - 1:02 am

I have thought of this a lot this last week. We went to supper at a friends house. The kids hardly played. My kids sat and watched their kids play on their iPods. Then we went to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. Again the kids didn’t visit. They watched the other kids play games. My kids are 5,7,10 and 11. We have iPads and iPods at home but they only get to play with them for limited times on weekends. Now I have been sick and my kids have had devices all day. When my youngest broke his arm there were many hours on our iPad. But I want our kids to be kids. Not robots. My eldest daughter is in 5th grade, many of her friends have phones……what does an 11year old need with a phone. It’s all a bit scary. I am happy for my country life. For myself and my kids. :). Great post.

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tara dillard March 4, 2015 - 1:48 pm

Pace. Life is too fast, virtual & real.

The pace of reading a book, no computer or phone nearby. Lunch with a girlfriend, phones set aside.

Older art films, seeking, now, more than their beauty/story, their pace.

Gardening, without a phone. The best pace there is. Time, hunger, the present all drift into irrelevance.

So much of life is its pace. When I’m not living at ‘my’ pace, it feels stolen. Most often, I’m not at my pace. Self-employed, the phone/computer, dictate. Sacred & profane. Fortunate to have a career that I adore, yet knowing my pace is taken as surely as my time.

Garden & Be Well, XO Tara

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candace ford January 27, 2020 - 8:23 pm

So very interesting to me that, except for the final comment, all the comments were from 2015 which is 4 or so years ago! Is this a “redo” of an old post that I hadn’t seen because I don’t think I’ve followed this blog that long. The last time I read comments it was to do with changes in France re: social security for aging citizens and I thought it was in real time. It does seem odd that you would be commenting on one of your “boxes” if it had been mailed out several years ago.

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