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I decided this week to renovate a bedroom here, and the first step was to sand down the floor boards.
I won’t bore you with the details of my very busy week, but just wanted to share that I think I may be coming to that tricky point in life where my feelings and my energy aren’t quite in tune with popular expectations, and consequently I can be perceived as behaving inappropriately!
Now, before you get too excited, I don’t mean that I am picking up young men in bars, or wearing short skirts and stilettos to do my weekly shop. Nothing that exciting …..
I just mean that when I want something done, I tend to just forge ahead and do it, without necessary stopping to wonder how a 50 something year old women should be seen .
I decided this week to renovate a bedroom here, and the first step was to sand down the floor boards.Of course I noticed the raised eyebrow when I turned up at the DIY store to rent the floor sanders. This is not my first foray into the wonderful world of floor sanding, and I quickly found the material I needed. When I informed the salesman I’d need double the quantity of sandpaper, I could see he was about to say something, then held back, dubious. He was dying to ask me who’d be using the machines, but couldn’t find a way to pop the questions diplomatically.
The same with the gardener, new here. I had foolishly said I’d work alongside him making decisions about the garden as I went. When I wheeled out my barrow complete with fork, spade and pickaxe, he did a quick double take, opened his mouth to say something and thought better of it. After half an hour working together I could see I had gained his confidence and maybe even his respect, but I had to prove myself first.
So why am I telling you all of this? Because it annoys me. I know that people have the best intentions and are kind and thoughtful, but I do not want to be treated like someone who can’t handle the task.
I enjoy getting my hands dirty, literally; I enjoy feeling a slight strain at the end of the day, and I love to step back and say to myself “job done, and done quite well at that!”
Of course I know that I’m not as physically strong as I used to be, but in the same way that we don’t like to see the inevitable wrinkles invade our face, neither do I like to admit that my field of action will one day narrow.
I’m sure I’m not alone on this one. We have all seen the photo of Katherine Hepburn on a skateboard at 70, and goodness knows the gorgeous Helen Mirren has been defending the cause of the over something woman quite admirably.
But how about you? Do you worry about people’s opinion? – enough to affect your behaviour? Are there things you enjoy doing which are unusual for your age? Do you persevere with a sport or a past time, fearful that if you stop it may be hard to start again.
I’d love to hear what you think on this one, please tell me someone else feels like me!
all photos thanks to Google , painting 1 John Lavery, 2 Otto Henry Bacher
85 comments
Hello Sharon,
Good for you! I certainly wouldn't worry what anyone thinks….if they're thinking anything it is probably with admiration? Good to surprise! I am with you – I am a person who likes to get stuck in. Although I like to think of myself as a 'girlie' girl, I also like to get things done myself, even if that means getting dirty and feeling the aches and pains at the end of the day which are so satisfying. Love digging in my kitchen garden, love cleaning my own sizeable home properly and although I didn't go as far as build our house (designed and built 4 years ago), I certainly got up tall ladders to sand and paint it. Have recently surprised my family (and myself!) by taking up 'Body Combat' exercise classes which have been completely liberating!
As I get older, I feel more determined to hang on to fitness, strength and capability……..If people are surprised or shocked at what we are doing as we get older, I wonder if it is just a reflection of their own abilities? Keep going I say…….
Sophia x
Now and then, I find that I can figure out how to Do Things around the house or garden, better than a man .. here or there. I grew up with a father who built houses for fun. I guess some things rubbed off on me. I live with a man who grew up in NYC where the Super fixed things … now that we have owned homes for years, it is still frustrating when I see that My way is the better way 🙂
Or is that the same for everyone with opinions ? lol
As I age, I am sure I will think I can do everything and there will be someone who will think I should sit down and drink some tea and rest.
I will do then, as I do now – Ignore them 🙂
love you. C
Hello Sharon
As the song says: "Never Give Up". Don't even entertain the thought of age. Plough on and keep as active as humanly possible.
I have tremendous respect for you for sanding floors and gardening and whatever else presents itself. I know you must feel empowered when a project is complete
Helen xx
As a popular saying goes, "you go girl!" No, you are not the only one that feels the way you do. At almost 60, I was helping my son frame walls and lift them onto the foundation with the help of a tractor thank goodness! We moved yards of concrete, walls of stone and on and on. Yes, the neighbors' cars would certainly slow and they would gaze in shock as they drove past but I would just wave and go on. Our strength may dwindle a bit as we age but keeping active is the best way to stay fit and loving life! Proud of you. I LOVE Katherine Hepburn and always wish I could be more Hepburnesque! She didn't care what others thought…she just did. Loved your post. I laughed out loud this morning. Have a great day! And if I were there, I'd grab my shovel and gloves and give you a hand despite the looks from the gardener!
You are behaving more then appropriately in my opinion!!! Maybe that's a source of shock for someone but I am sure they all end up in deep admiration of you and your jobs!
You rock and that's all I can say!!
With love
Fra
p.s. I am looking forward to seeing the bedroom renovation and the sanded floor, of course!!!
Hi Sophia
Body Combat?!! now you have my imagination racing, I did some circuit training at the gym this morning, but body combat sounds like a whole new playing field!
xx
Hi C,
opinions?! don't get me started. I am convinced that what women lack in muscle power, we make up for in practical common sense, but I'll be keeping that opinion to myself of course!
xx
empowered …. and slightly achy too!
xx
concrete walls?! my readers never cease to amaze me. So glad I made you laugh Patti, have a lovely weekend
xx
Thank you Fra, I hope you are keeping well and not too cold in Italy.
have a lovely weekend, haven't decided yet about the photos
xx
You've got a kindred spirit here.
Oh, Sharon….your posting makes me think of my longtime friend, Madelyn. She's a very prolific and talented, award-winning artist who also taught art in the public schools for 25 years. Still?…he most obvious "aspect" of her is that she's TINY……4'8", at most.
She has a deep southern accent (originally from a tiny town in rural South Carolina). Predictably enough? She spent DECADES AND DECADES dealing with car mechanics, plumbers, and electricians (and any number of other men of similar ilk)who would, when she had a problem/question/emergency, hunker down in a squatting position, rub their palm against a stubbly chin, and then, with a squint at her, announce "Well, you know, Little Lady…..you just don't know what you're going to find when you get up in there…" (TRANSLATION: "You're an ignorant little woman, and I'm going to make a lot of money off you while you wring your hands in helplessness and thank me profusely while you write several checks to me")
And they'd give unreliable estimates, never follow a schedule, and generally act on the all-too-obvious assumption that this 50-something, tiny woman was not only ignorant, but also helpless….and, yes, they always notice that she's unmarried and lives alone in her charming bungalow.
You know what Madelyn did in her fifties (she's now 66, I think)? She got FED UP……and she took several three-month courses at the local community college (she enjoyed them greatly). She came out of the venture with certificates in auto-repair, electrical-repair, plumbing, and general contract-work.
These days?…..she shows up at the garage (or, similarly, has an electrician or plumber over to the house), and she announces something like "Could you please take a look at my car? I'm pretty sure the manifold breaker has shorted out. If that's not the problem, I'd like you to look into the _____. Then?… give me call this afternoon by 5, thank you, and I'll decide if I'm going to GIVE the work to you. Have I made myself perfectly clear, sir? THANK YOU….."
She always makes it VERY clear to Bubbah-at-the-garage that she knows the technical vocabulary and is NOT to be trifled with….and that she's quite aware of how one posts a bad review on Craig's list. (this is accomplisehd by her prettily murmuring "I looked you up on 'angie's List' and 'Craig's List'…I didn't see anything that would alarm me…so I thought I'd see if there's anything you can do for my car…"….and then she shoots them a straight-on glare.
I should emphasize that she's an absolutely charming, delightful, and entirely amusing woman. She just doesn't happen to enjoy paying workmen to make assumptions about what she can do or what she might know, particularly given that they always seem to assume that she can't do anything and knows next to nothing.
I love going with her on these errands…..we always pull out onto the highway, with two or three, stubble-faced and slack-bellied workmen left behind….rubbing their jaws and wondering where in the world THAT sort of woman came from.
Thanks for the evocative posting….and my advice to you is to keep on truckin'….
Level Best as Ever,
David Terry
http://www.davidterryart.com
I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. If someone says I can't do something then I like to prove them wrong. Sanding floors and digging in with the gardener, totally appropriate.
Anne xx
When you return the sander, you should wear a big pink bow in your hair, fake nails, chew bubble gum and say, "Worked like a charm." I know what you mean though – I built my own house. When you go into the hardware store and ask for a specific fitting or wire etc, there is a look. We just need to keep it up until they are all desensitized:) Isn't it fun to 'live a little?' Keep up the good work.
Tootles,
JoeyLea
https://thelocustblossom.blogspot.com/
I live alone in home in Wisconsin. I am 60 years old. (When did THAT happen? !) I have a very large vegetable garden (500 sq feet) and extensive flower gardens and lawns that make up my 1/2 acre of property. It's a one-woman show here that includes hauling bags of manure and woodchips to the gardens, snow shoveling (just shoveled 9 inches last night), lawn mowing, raking leaves, using a rototiller, indoor cleaning and maintenance and as much outdoor maintenance (painted the exterior of my house last summer)that can be done with a modest ladder. I am in absolute fear of what will happen when I can't do all or some of this. I declared my independence from a depressing marriage 10 years ago and moved to my little piece of heaven that also is a lot of work. I work a 40 hour job so I am a busy girl. When my 38-year old neighbor asks if I'd like him to snowplow my 100-foot long driveway or blow my leaves, I tell him "no thanks." I prefer to keep some things in reserve for when I really can't do them. I understand your self-reliance. It's not cute to be dependent.
I have roofed, wired, painted, gutted, laid carpet, tore out trees, yards ect, pretty much done it all. Having a hard working husband and a rental business has taught me all of these and much more. I too have seen the looks and drop mouthed expressions and find it amusing and aggravating at the same time. I am a very girly girl of 64 and never go anywhere without my makeup on and hair styled. People have stopped in the middle of the street to watch me up on a roof putting shingles down for my husband to nail…so funny to see the looks on their faces! For my birthday last year I got a new pair of street roller skates and I love them! Like they say, if you stop doing these things you won't be able to do them anymore. Proud of you and all your efforts, just keep on keeping on. Love your blog!
This must be an issue of concern in more in Europe than in the USA. I have a (Barrister) girlfriend in England who asked me if I had similar reactions from people because I am a metalsmith.
why no photo of me? 🙂
I dont think anyone questions your ability – as far as the gardener & the sander, I believe its assumed that a Lady of the House is Lady & has staff to take care of those chores – thats the feeling nothing else. Its seen as a hobby not to work with professionals who do this day in day out.
Good for you…
There is so much joy in these paintings and photo! Thanks for sharing.
Jennifer
This is so inspiring to read about all these ladies and their accomplishments.
I know so many who sit around and wait for things to be done for them.
I try to do everything I can because I enjoy the satisfaction every
accomplishment brings. I also love learning from the mistakes. I am 58 and can do just about everything around my house that needs to be done. I useually end up doing it for my single neighor also.
I come from a family of strong women who inspire me. My aunt was one of the first women in the military after wwII and the first woman constable of her county. I have a picture of her standing on a horse when she was in her 50's.
She accepted a dare. My mom always told us to learn an occupation because you could not always depend on a man being there. She was so right. I am now a widow and grateful every day for her advice.
Thanks Sharon & ladies for the inspitation today!
Marian
Around here the looks are not as common. Our Home Depot now is recognizing that women make up a large share of their market, and are slowly coming to grips with that. It still makes me grouchy though when you get a sales clerk in the aisle who acts as though I have no right to be there….those clerks are disappearing. MOney trumps attitude…..
I suffer from RA, and the things I used to be able to do aren't so easy now, and I have to ask for more help both from the gardener and Hubby….that is the most frustrating.
Keep up the good work and let them watch……you are awesome!
Nancy
wildoakdesigns.blogspot.com
It annoys me when anyone is rude.
Hi Sharon! I LOVE doing my own thing…and never feel like I get anything but respect. I mean..like hand picking stone for my walls…standing on top of the pile at the stone yard. Of course, sometimes I get offers to help, which I generally politely refuse. I still amaze my husband. Defy expectations…it's always the way to go! XO Trish
I never worry about what I do as long as I can do it…:) i am blessed with a lot of energy… so I am always go go go… doing all and everything… I think I just about tire everyone out… Maybe you and I could renovate together…:) xv
Way to go, Sharon! I'm with you all the way! Last spring we bought piles of mulch to do the front garden beds. I spent several days loading up wheelbarrows and trundling it to the beds and spreading it out. Our neighbour later told my husband that he didn't think there were many women who would do or be able to accomplish what I'd done. I didn't think anything of it.
Does being pretty, feminine and well-turned out, as you are, make people think you a princess?
My Father once told my Mother (who told me later) that he said to her… "You know, Pamela really doesn't care a bit what other people think. I admire that." Made me smile, but it's true. I cannot remember a time when I've given the thoughts of others any consideration. The only time I would worry when others speak ill of me, would be when they are right.
I can remember the exact moment when I started getting old. As I walked to the edge of the porch, I hesitated. Instead of leaping off onto the ground, as usual, missing the steps altogether, I worried I'd break something; knew I'd better not; then walked down the steps instead.
Sharon, I love your illustrations here.
I love to work in my garden,paint ceilings and walls. I haven't had too many comments.Hard physical work feels like therapy to me.
I don't worry what other people say or day, in fact I am not sure I notice. However I do now find that I don't have as much physical energy as I used to. I have to be especially careful of carrying anything heavy or I end up with dodgy shoulders and an appointment at the osteopath.
love this post Sharon! No funny I do not care so much what others think as I did say in my 20's…yes being in my 40's (late) is very liberating in that I pretty much do what I want and it feels great! Once I get my head wrapped around doing something there is very little to stop me, including stares or silent whispers about if and what I should or should not be doing. I always say if anyone has a problem with it…its likely calling attention to their weaknesses and therefore it makes them feel uncomfortable! I say carry on and continue with these projects, they keep us young, spirited and independent:)
Sharon- as I finished reading the above comments it is obvious we are the 'new generation' that can sand floors, paint the exteriors of houses (2-story in my case), rototill, mulch and plant the gardens and I fixed a leak outside from the water main to my house last year. Like you, I get a lot of satisfaction knowing that it doesn't take certain body parts to do "man's work" – just the knowledge, physical ability and the desire to do the work oneself! I get a kick out of my visits to the Home Depots and the looks on the neighbor's faces when I am outside working. I love to dress up, too, and I think of myself as a girly-girl, just like your other commenters, today!!! Well done, Sharon. Keep it up. (I'm 65)
My theme song is 'just don't tell that little old ant, he can't move a rubber tree plant'. Seriously, that little tune runs through my mind at least 3 times a week. It reminds me that I CAN. The only limitation is the one I set for myself.
Why would anyone want to be dictated by gender. It's unfair to say that because he is a HE – this is what I expect of him. Because she is a SHE, i expect this. I know that I can lift things with more ease and more weight than my hubby. But our health conditions are different, I've always pushed myself and so now it is conditioned in me.
Just keep going, just keep doing while you can. THAT is what keeps us alive, active, mobile and breathing. Whew ! it is exhausting in the end, but it makes you know you are alive. Not every marathon has to run on a course.
Hi I enjoy your blog and I just wanted to say go for it!! I am 64 years of age and i do all the decorating in our house. At the moment we are renovating and I took hold of the hammer drill and removed a really ugly seventies fire place, this is not the first time I have used the hammer drill, when we were renovating our Spanish house I demolished several walls. Who cares what other people think live and let live x
Not so long ago, my daughter's new boyfriend said to me… you do alright for a woman (of your age) with all the things you do around the home. I took it as a compliment, as I knew that's what he meant.
I have lost count of how many wheel barrows of dirt and compost I have shovelled over the years. I have painted my whole house inside and am ready to do it again, mixed cement countless times and layed hundreds of pavers. I do all the gardening around my home, planting trees and maintain the veggie patch. My garden is quite large as we live on 5 acres so it's never ending. I have been married for 25 yrs and my hubby and I have always done everything ourselves so I have become quite the pro at some things!
Do I really care what people think.. not really. Not even when I suddenly need to go to the hardware with my daggy clothes (and my hair)full of paint! I think one of the good things about turning 50 is that you become quite liberated as to what you should or shouldn't do or even what you say or shouldn't say. It's my life and I live it how I want. maryann
Sharon, I hate that you are getting those raised eyebrows! I am also 50 something with friends (men and women) 15-20+ years older than me that can and do work circles around me! They are in great shape and look years younger than their friends that sit around doing much of nothing…their minds are physically fit, too! If I slow down now, they would surely put me to absolute shame. I don't even think about slowing down… in fact,I'm striving to pick up the pace! 😀 If I sat and folded my hands, I wouldn't have the energy to get up from my chair. The more I do, the better I feel. I believe age is just a number and if you feel good enough to sand those floors, do it! I think it's awesome! I think about my husband's grandmother who lived to be 103. She was cutting up vegetables to blanch and freeze the day she died…she planted(with a little help) a 100 rose bushes when she was 90 years old and continued to tend to them by herself for many more years. She showed me how to make grape jelly when she was 100… She taught me that being idle was almost like giving up! All that said, what I am doing is trying to concentrate on not overloading my self with commitments which has alway led to high stress levels for me…stress is definitely not good for your health and well being. I try to just pace myself, but stay very active! Stay active and everyone will be raising their eyebrows because they are so amazed at how awesome you are! Have a great weekend!
Gosh, I don’t know where to start. I am very frustrated with society that thinks “women of a certain age” are no longer capable. I just had an argument with my sister about this very thing. You name it, she thinks we are too old, and I think we have so many more years that I want them to be productive. I tell her to look at Betty White. I bet she did not expect to have such longevity, but she certainly has made the best of her years. I have a friend that will not fly to visit because she is afraid. My sister and I are half of Betty’s age, but we may live that long. I just don’t want to waste the second part of my life.
Love your accompanying pics.
Btw, I cannot stop thinking about your bouquets. Are you planting filler to accompany your flowers? I have been going through the neighborhood, scoping out what grows well, and would be appropriate to fill in my market flowers.
I will be 66 in a month and I still paint rooms in my house, dig flower beds plant shrubs & small trees as well as bedding plants. I feel I can do just about anything I did when I was 10 – 15 years younger. I just have a few more aches than I used to! I think we should follow our hearts in every thing we do. We are women, hear us roar!
Sandy
Hear, hear! (to the common sense part, not the keeping-it-to-yourself part.)
No, you sound perfectly normal to me. I think it was the men who couldn't handle the fact that you were doing these things!! Rock on, Sharon!!
Nina in Michigan
Oh Sharon-this made me chuckle! I sanded our hardwood floors too! You are in great company my friend:)! I have to credit my Mom for being such an example for me…. one of those amazing women who can still sew anything including the most beautiful wedding dresses (she made for me and my 3 sisters),she can build a barn which she did on a few occasions, train and race horses, make and decorate beautiful cakes…she has a creative streak a mile wide. I never question where i get all my gumption…neither does Tom lol:)
Keep on going-I'll be right there with you!
XX-Sarah
I'm always proud when these moments arise. First, because I am physically able to do these things, and, secondly because I want to do them because of the satisfaction that I derive from doing it myself! The same is true of creative ventures. One isn't born creative. One keeps their mind busy and moving and the creative thoughts follow.
I enjoy following your blog. Judi Dench was in a tv show called Behaving Badly and that was what it was about. Society's expectations on a midlife woman. Well she did not behave. LOL
For me it is interesting. I am not 50ish but I am physically disabled so I have people actually complete strangers interrupt me and what I am trying to accomplish saying "you can't do that", "in your state you should not be doing that". You get the picture.
Is it frustrating yes. Sometimes I am in a wheel chair and will go to get up and it has become funny to see peoples reactions. Some freeze, some reach out there arms. Weird. When I walk I do not always walk like everyone else. The staring alone is a lot to endure.
I just keep laughing and do the best I can. I am glad you are involved in what you enjoy. Don't let them take away whatever activity gives you joy. Thats my plan anyway.
I grew up with a father who taught me and my two sisters that we can do whatever we want to do. I married a man who wants to do everything for me. I don't ever intend on letting him ruin me…:) My husband doesn't the repairs around the house because he's good at it and if he's busy, we call the experts. I don't like home repairs. I can garden, plant beautiful trees, grow beautiful roses, build a fire like a good girl scout, run the snow blower to clear the drive when it snows and earn a great living from what I love to do. Why should I care what a stranger thinks of me?
It seems to me that our generation of women are far stronger and more determined to keep going than the previous generation. We have 5 acres in the Pacific Northwest. I won't go into all of the details but I have never worked so hard in my life and continue to do so. We take care of all of it; woods, blackberries, fencing, creating cottage style perennial beds etc… We are now in the process of building the stables for my horses. 7 years ago I bought my first horse. A 3 month old Quarter Horse!! Not once did I give it a second thought. People thought I was crazy. He was to be my newest adventure as my oldest daughter was leaving for college. 9 months later I bought my 2nd horse, a Spanish Arabian who was only 4 at the time. I was 46 at the time, I am now 53. I take riding lessons weekly as well as ride 4-6 times a week in addition to all of the outside to do's and inside projects. I have gotten good enough that I am doing small jumps with my Arabian and am very proud to say that i had a large hand in the "starting" on my baby Quarter Horse. I never in my life thought I would end up doing the things I do and I wouldn't have it any other way. I will be gardening until the day I die and riding until my horses can no longer carry me.
Sharon,
As someone a decade older than you I still enjoy hours in my garden and believe it keeps me limber and somewhat fit. I hope I never outgrow this desire to stay active. Way to go with your activities and nice keeping some of the French surprised.
Karen
Time and time again, I have found myself in this same situation, and good on you for just turning the other cheek.
Just one example: We hired a painter and a wall-paperer for our hall way with 1 day between the jobs. After the painting was finished I realized how dark the hall would be with the bulkheads and archways also wallpapered at the top.
So, trips to the hardware store, hire shop (extra tall ladder) and a few raised eyebrows later, I manage to get on three coats of a shade of white to all the tops of the arches (3m high). The painter had to drop by to collect some things and thought I had hired someone else to finish off – I could see the look of disbelief that I had done all this in one day by myself.
Take pride that you exceed the expectations of those around you. You don't need to 'earn' anybodies faith in your abilities. Anyone who has met you or knows you, knows just how capable and truly amazing an individual you are.
Happy birthday to the birthday girl in your house!
Jen.
x
Sharon,
I don't think it is because you are a certain age. I believe it is because you are a woman in France. You are not acting as they want you to for their culture. I am a interiors painter here in Italy and you should see the shock on the men's faces when I show up on the job, later they get over it and don't care. At one point a while back I felt like I was up against a brick wall. I counted up my clients and realized they were all woman and gay men. Keep pressing on and realize you are helping all of us all over the world.
Good for you. Keep at it so you will stay young. When I was your age I was doing all the same things and accomplished a lot. At 67 I still clean my own house, ride a bike and use a trikke. (If you don't know what I'm talking about go to Trikke.com). Its great fun and keeps one from getting creaky. I am often planting, pruning and cleaning up my yard even though I now live in an area where the HOA does the mowing and edging of the lawn. But its what you accomplish in life that brings such satisfaction. Bravo!
Hi. Go Girl. Enjoy your adventures and keep enjoying the fun of surprising others.
What a great way to finish my day here in Australia reading this post and the comments…at mid 50's I'm normal!! Yes, I too get quizzical looks…but I look back with the glance of a woman comfortable in her skin, and sometimes weary frame! Thanks Sharon.
Sometimes, we seem totaly convinced about something and when we hear a different point of view, we react strangely, I mean that we don't like to accept an opposite opinion for us.But deep down, we try to hide our fragility or weakness for something we haven't yet realize.I don't know if this is your case, the most important is that you really feel fine and that you have the strength to do all these things that make you happy.Enjoy life. I think that your energy will take you further away.
Amities Olympia
Looove your post!! I've learned not listen to people, most of them are looking at you from behind the bars of their own prisons, they're judging you from there and waiting angrily for your mistakes. I don't care,I'm leading my life the way I want, standing for what I think right and I will find my own way to success (I hope so:-))!!
https://the-dancing-skeleton.blogspot.fr/
🙂
xx
Honestly why are you worry about..? Suppose it was just a misunderstanding and the
gardener wanted behave like a gentleman, finally he was hired for that work.
And when you snooze you lose. No matter what you want to do, floor sanding, gardening, iron pumping or base jumping, just do it and don't care about what others think, most of them don't think. Wish you many years up to the mark.
Considering that we will never be in the heads of anyone else, we will never know what they think anyway. There is no point in making assumptions or worrying what another person thinks. I truly embrace the freedom of individuality. If we are not respectful of direction our own hearts take us, how can we be respectful of anyone else?
My 93 year young mother in law has never worried about what someone else thinks. And, yet, she is widely admired.
Good for You!
Some attribute Eleanor Roosevelt for saying "Well behaved women rarely make history" – if we always worry about what others expect from us we sacrifice our happiness and interests. I got the same look when I jumped in to help install sub-flooring while renovating our bathroom- power tools are a great equalizer.
The older you get, the less you'll worry about what other people think.
Chuckling here…..one day I went to hoist myself up on a countertop to reach the upper cabinets, gripped the underside of the cabinet with one hand to yank the rest of me up, and….nothing. Hmmnn.. Tried again, as I have done for years, climbing like a monkey over ledges and trees, whatever. But this day I came face to face with my declining physical competence. This WILL NOT BE! I am no exercise fan, don't care to perspire unless it is for a Grand Cause (pilgrimage to Santiago)' but weakness? Within weeks the biceps held me as I once more scampered about the kitchen rearranging space in the upper reaches. Whatever it takes to maintain strength as we age is worth any shocked look. The very sense of self, confidence in who and what we are often depends on this physical capability, don't you think?
And I had a laugh from Joey Lea. Please post photo of yourself in that pink bow.
I, too am 50+, and truly believe that the only way a women my age to behave that is inappropriate is ungrateful. A woman of any age (or man for that matter) should be happy, it's the frowners and the non-believers that are missing out on the fun of being with someone who throws concerns of aches and pains to the wind and grasps life by the horns. That's why God invented pain relievers and margaritas (not necessarily in that order)
You GO girl!!
I don't understand why a woman working with her hands would be considered inappropriate at any age. Are we all supposed to lay down and eat bonbons because we're over 50? Perhaps they are questioning your abilty, (they must not know you very well) but surely not that it is appropriate?
I am 50+ and the only thing that bothers me is not having the strength like I used to have. I wished I had listened early on about using both of my hands to help out each other in the garden pulling weeds instead of wearing out the joints on one. I think anything you can do and want to do is appropriate, not concerned how others think and feel about it. Gonna go out now and lay down some mulch before it rains or who knows – snows maybe.
Have fun whatever you want to do
Betsy
I love doing things in my house myself. I spent many years as a business executive and love being a DIY er.
I redid a second home after retiring in my sixties, sold it and bought a better one and then re did that one. I was finally finshed with most of it and hurricane Sandy came along and flooded and destroyed the first floor. So here I go again. The hardest part this time is I have to work with an architect and contractor because of the insurance issues. But I am driving both of them crazy because I am so hands on – no job is too hard or too messy. I love it and everyone is waiting for me to slow down but it has to get done and I am in charge – love love love it. I am coming back in my next life as a general contractor – carpenter – painter – plumber or maybe all of them. Have to finish this so I can get back to stripping the chairs I found at GoodWill yesterday, they are perfect for the house.
My Mother always says"inside every person over –(you fill in the age) there is an 18 year old screaming to get out" I now know she is so right! Worry is a useless emotion so I don't let what others think of my actions bother me one bit.
This little ole southern lady just keeps on doing the things that makes others shake the heads in wonder. I have the thought healty, happy, die. You go Sharon.
xxpeggybraswelldesign.com
Oh ~ are there people looking at me funny when I try different "inappropriate" things???
I never noticed.
Screw 'em.
Now back to MY life…
PS ~ Hepburn is my IDOL!!!!!!
😉
Sharon, can I ever relate with your message here. I may be short in stature and slight in build, older than most, but I'm no longer slight of mouth…so to speak, when I'm challenged by a man or even a crew of them. I have remodeled several homes extensively, bought, sold, wheeled and dealed most of my life and have done almost anything and everything. My skin gets hot when dealing with some men as if I don't have a brain but nothing pleases me more to see the looks on their faces and the stammer in their speech when I "show them" a thing or two.
There's nothing like the feeling of accomplishment when we have all this capability within ourselves. As was said above…YOU GO GIRL!!!
Love this post!
I am a do-it-yourself kind of gal and proud of it.
My husband is not so handy, and I often joke about the fact that all the tools in the house (power tools included) are MINE!
When we moved into this house, we went from a small yardto nearly two acres. We had a lawn service at the other home but when we moved in here, my husband bought a riding mower and a push mower. (He wanted my son to take on the task of helping him cut and maintain the yard.)
I will never forget the first day that I decided to take the push mower to get some fresh air, and a little exercise on a warm sunny day. My neighbor rushed over and offered to send her husband to take over… mentioning that she felt very sorry for me —- that my husband would allow such a thing!!! Could not believe it!
I don't care what my neighbors or friends or strangers think.
There is nothing wrong with hard work, and the only thing that should go through an onlooker's head —- should be admiration!
At least for me, I admire anyone, especially a woman, who is not afraid to get her hands dirty in whatever the task might be. I come from a long line of strong women. They would expect nothing less from me. 🙂
I commend you! Keep up the good work!
Alison 🙂
I love getting on my garden tractor and mowing our apple orchard myself on a pretty day…it looks like a beautiful park when I'm done. I know that our gardener thinks I should let him do it.
Oh thank God I don't much care what others think any more….but, I too am slightly annoyed with people that act as though I don't know what I am doing. Maybe I don't, but I know just as much as your average bear……smiles
Sharon, I am 54 and I think the 50's Rock! And love Helen Mirren, too. Have only come into Who I Am in the last two years and am LOVING LIFE each day. I love your site/blog and discovered along with a couple of other blog sites how much I love things French. How fortunate you are to be where you are and I'm glad you have taken the time to make our lives much richer by what you say and post. Thank you!
Sharon
I can remember being 40 and feeling really old when a European girl of about 20 something took my arm and tried to help me off a boat when I was travelling in Laos. She had a hold of my arm and was guiding me down a short gang plank while she stood in ankle deep water. It was ridiculous. I thanked her but told her I was fine and I could manage the 4 steps safely on my own. Now in my 50's I wish more young people were more kinder to older people especially when I would really like a seat on the bus or train. I like being respected but not patronised.
Whenever we need a tradie to come to the house my husband makes the phone call and does all the talking because being the little lady I would not be taken as seriously and would pay more. Mind you I'm the one who goes through the invoices and finds the discrepancies.
I love it when women do so called "mans work" and make it look easy.
I enjoy surprising people and I hate being judged by how old I am. If I want to wear wedge heels I will and as long as my cleavage is still in good condition I'll show a little. The mini skirts were given to Vinnies decades ago but that doesnt stop me from doing my leg excercises and if I lose a few kilos I may start wearing 2 piece bathers again. Be yourself and don't let others dictate how you should be.
Be happy and enjoy life.
Sharon,
What a tremendous question. Here's the short quick version of what I think, when actually this topic is an entire book in the making:
1) Scientists estimate the probability of your being born at about one in 400 trillion. You are a true miracle, and your life is too valuable to worry what others think. Being gracious as possible, is all well and good. But if too concerned what others think it's handing them the remote control over our own feelings and self-esteem. IMHO.
2) Don't forget even Jesus was hung on a cross! i.e. 30% will love you in spite of anything you do. 30% will never approve no matter how much you do. And the rest really don't give a damn.
3) My darling Brooks Brothers-clad, extremely funny and intelligent, always uber-responsible, classy father who raised five children, providing them a wonderful home and was an outstanding grandfather, with a career with contemporaries like Bob Noyce (founder of Intel) was dying at 83. Long compound sentence, I know, but eating a salad and in a rush. He said how it stung a bit that nurses etc spoke to him like an imbecile instead of the 6'2" powerhouse he'd been. I replied: 'You know who you are. I know who you are. Everyone who truly loved you knows who you are. That's all that matters.'
4) Lastly, I have had too many tragedies in my immediate and extended family not to realize the gift of this life that can be taken away at an instant–and change everything for others. It's made me more empathetic with people who have very challenged lives, and less patient with those who have much and are somehow blind to what really matters.
Well, if I had to wait for my man to do the things I think need doing, they would never get done!! I am almost 40, so can't speak from the 50 perspective, but I would be loud and proud if I was about to undertake some 'so called' masculine endeavour!! Put the other women AND MEN to shame I reckon, and rub it in too!!:)
I'm in my 40s and luckily so far I'm mistaken for much younger than I am. But to my annoyance it tends to be 'but you are too young to know what I mean' or 'you are too young to have experience that'. I often have to say, I'm older than you think. I've got a directors position in my work and I'm often faced with ageism – 'you can't possibly be in that position when you are so young'. I think, though, what the main problem here is that we ourselves, women, are trying to prove a point. We want to prove that we can work as hard as men, that we are as fit as a 20 year old, that we haven't 'lost it'. But I think we often see these 'expectations' where sometimes they are not. We have broken the mould over the last decades of the traditional housewife and we are still trying to prove a point that we can do it all. And of course we can! I think I'm in an age now where I'm debating with myself; do I need to prove a point? Do I need to fight a corner? Can I just be myself and not care what others are thinking? Usually the answer is yes. But it doesn't stop me from doing things I enjoy, the back breaking work of digging a garden over, cleaning the patio, repairing my home with real tools etc.
Love this post and the reactions to it.
You go girl…Sharon, I would love to meet you and am often a little 'envious" of your amaze life and friendship circle…..I have always thought of you as being 30 something for some reason…whatever, keep going with your fantaboulous life…
Ps: Helena "above" I think you have totally missed the point of this post, no offence.
Good for you Sharon! I fully agree. When I was 19 I bought my first car, a wreck, and my Dad said that he wasn't going to do all the repairs for me, but that he would help me with anything that I couldn't manage. He taught me a valuable lesson – if you really want to do something, you will, and being a girl is no excuse for not being able to. I frequently pick up a hammer or electric drill etc. and get on with things. This week I fixed a leak on the washing machine. It can save a small fortune if you are practical. Very often it is about thinking of an easy way to tackle what could be a heavy job. As I get older, I find I can't lift bales of hay and shavings as easily as I used to, but rather than struggle I now slide them into the wheelbarrow and trundle them into place. I intend to grow old disgracefully!
I only consider if something is typically to be done by men or women… when I don't want to do it! the rest of the time, not at all.
I turned 64 in November and one of my classes threw me a surprise party – complete with the Beatles singing When I'm Sixty-Four (they found it on my iPod). As other kids around school asked me how old I was, they were surprised and said, "you don't look/act that old". I tell them, "this is what 64 looks like". I am self-sufficient, physically active and run circles around most of the younger staff – they say I tire them out by them just watching me. I have fun doing and trying new things. I am the one refinishing our attic because my husband isn't really interested and so I can have it the way I want it.
I have a friend going through a divorce after 40 years and the hardest part for her (beside the fact that her husband was leading a double life for 35 years) is that she does not know how to do anything for herself. She says I am lucky to have my husband to do things for me, but I do the things myself that she is referring to.
My point, very poorly made, is to just have a great time being who you are and doing what you want while continuing to grow and explore.
I am approaching 50 and I refuse to sit and wait for someone else to do a Job I feel I am capable of doing. Just before Christmas I helped my gardener barrow loads of sand to progress a job I wanted done for the entertaining out side.We had a great time chatting as we went. I did wonder how many of his clients would get involved on that level. I applaud any woman that is happy to give things a go without worrying what other people will think.
Good on you Sharon for making the most of your capabilities both physically and mentally, I think it's the best way to stay young!
ML Fi x
Acting ones age. I never quite got that concept. At 49, we bought a sailboat, so I learnt to sail. At 50 I was backpacking in Europe, at 51 I went to culinary school, at 53 started a new career with a catering company (having the best time of my life). I've lost weight, have more strength and generally feeling healthy. Not sure what's next, but I won't let the fact I'm going to be 56 influence my decision.
You go girl and do whatever makes you happy.
Hi Sharon, want to hear about a Swedish woman of 72?
5 can tell you that I will never, ever stop doing things that I like to do and test things that weren't around when I was younger.
Like, seven years ago when I retired from my job as a language teacher I decided to learn about making web pages.
Which I did,with a little help from a woman 10 years my age…
Now I do a lot of graphics which is great fun. And people like them and buy them.
I also am a Winter-In-The-Ocean-Swimmer. It's heaven to walk my dog down to the beach in November, undressing and jump into the sea.
A lot of people stop and must ask me about it.
I certainly love being this age even if I am a bit slower than my younger sisters.
Love and hugs
Eva Agnes
Good on you' Sharon! I'm of the age that I do things that are "man's work" just to make a point. I have a wonderful husband, but I can kill my own bugs, take out trash and move the furniture all by m'self! If I need more muscle than I can bring to bear on a project, he's happy to help.
Do your own thing, and to heck with what anyone thinks!
Love, Love this post and every single comment! A friend of my parents hired me at 13 to be his assistant and his draftsman. He was a Naval Architect. He saw something in me that he couldn't find in any other. My father has encouraged me to "…get educated, learn your job and do it better than anyone else." I did just that and worked at that job for 12 years, working for several other firms who hired me away, I'd guess because I was an anomaly and I did my job well. In college, my first mechanical engineering professor stated emphatically that there was NO PLACE for a woman in mechanical engineering. I told him that I had it on greater authority that he was dead wrong. I have had many entrepreneurial jobs but only one career; setting my sight on a challenging field that interested me and becoming accomplished for my own satisfaction. The money followed whether it was that original drafting job, designing and building homes, working as a fine jeweler or oil painting. The attitude of a woman 'in her place' used to really irritate me but I changed my attitude which settled my mind… do the job for your own satisfaction, smile at the doubters and love your accomplishments. As my husband says, "Sweat is the cologne of achievement and success is the best revenge."
You go, girls, indeed…every one of you!
I think I'll go dig another ditch!
xoxo, Chris
Try not to let it bother you. I don't thin it's about age but rather gender. We are expected to act according to our gender and our age. Break all the rules I say, break them with gusto!
I'm 37 and people raise their eyebrows at me a lot because I won't conform to their ideas about how I should live my life. I work, I'm attending university and I have no intention of having children at this point, maybe ever.
You ladies are truly inspiring. The more I hear about women breaking the norms and living to the fullest, the more hope you give me. I need the hope so keep up the good work!
You are my heroes!