In January, just a few weeks ago, my darling mother passed away. I know this is something that many of you have already had to deal with, and I know that you will understand my pain.
Added to the agony of the empty space she has left behind, I also had to deal with the degree of separation that the pandemic imposed upon us. Thank goodness my family in England were able to say goodbye in person, but for me, living in France, my goodbyes were only virtual.
I struggled with this for months last year as she declined. I won’t say that I felt guilty, because I know she would never have wanted that. But the contrast to recent years was very poignant. For the past decade I have spent several days – or even a week – each month with her. To be deprived of this pleasure when I knew that she was leaving us became a very heavy burden.
But, since it is obvious that I cannot turn back the clock, I have been concentrating very hard on all the positive and happy memories that we made together. I thought, that if you are in the same position as me, especially in these strange times, this may be of comfort to you.
Yes the pandemic kept me away from her, but thank goodness for modern technology which allowed us to see each other and talk several times a week.
Yes, I’ll never see her again, but thank goodness for all the fun moments that we spent together. The gardens we visited, the afternoons spent chatting, or cooking, or sewing or planting.
Yes, she has gone, but she lived a good, kind and happy life. She left us aged 89, she was never lonely or unwell. She left us as peacefully as she had lived.
Yes, I have lived a long way from her for many years, but thank goodness it was not so far that she didn’t see her grandchildren growing up, and that she was close enough to stay involved in our family life here.
Yes, she was diminished when she left us, but thank goodness for her feisty, strong and fun personality that everyone who knew her could not fail to love.
There is of course much more to say, but I think you get my point.
Her name was Rose, and it fitted her perfectly. These flowers are for her.
PS. I have come back to this post a few hours after publishing, and I am quite overwhelmed by all your kind comments. Thank you so much. I am truly blessed to have such generous and thoughtful readers. Please forgive me if I don’t reply individually. Every comment is read and appreciated. Thank you.