In a couple of days time I shall be travelling to spend time with one of my oldest and closest friends. We first met at the age of 14, our birthdays are just 24 hours apart, we share the same tastes, we enjoy the same activities and as a cherry on the cake our respective husbands get on like a house on fire!
There is something very special about this sort of friendship …. it is different to the love you can share with a family member; it is different to the companionship and support of a partner;Â it is different to the pride and distractions of your children ….
A long term friendship like this has a history to it.  Things are understood without needing to be put into words.
When you meet up with a friend who you knew as a child, you can still see the child, you can still see the young woman, you can still see the young bride and you can still see the busy mother, and all those stages come bundled into one person who is sitting right across the table to you, a familiar face that you know off by heart, and who no longer needs to explain everything, because the explaining and the discovery are already done – acquired.
A friendship like this bears no judgement.  This friend listens and is listened to. This friend sheds a light on your own life and helps you see things more objectively – she becomes in fact a sort of alter-ego, an exterior element of who you actually are. The fact that she or he exists makes you a better person.
And I wonder ….. (and as a blogger I am not very well placed to say this!) …. will this still be true of a generation that is growing up with internet and spends so much time alone in front of a screen instead of getting out there and building relationships and memories to share ……
just putting it out there, and wondering what you think …..
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photos with thanks to google images
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43 comments
Dear Sharon, Lovely post… very touching… I believe the extent of all this technology is very concerning. It starts with some of our own family and extends far beyond. I find it a delight to get a “real” phone call and maybe even a hard copy picture – letters are good too!!! . Must stop here as; I could go on forever about this. My best to you and family. Have wonderful memories of my visit and tour. Cheri
HI Cheri
you echo my own thoughts, and as I spend a lot of time in front of a screen at the moment, I am often tempted to pick up the phone and just call someone, to have a real talk … as you well know! 🙂
Sharon
xx
Lovely post Sharon, and very timely. With a now 11 year old entering the ‘tween’ years it is definitely on my and my friends mind – as they start in enter into asking for logins to facebook, instagram and the like. I can see them already building friendships that are surviving a change of schools as they get old, I am sure that these will endure. But who knows what the future brings? All I can hope is that I set by example and the friendships I have that have endured since kindergarten, school and university – life long friendships – show them the happiness long term friendships bring! As usual though, you write it as I am thinking it!! Hope the weather is warming, Jen x.
I know that you are giving your boys a wonderful family circle to grow up in, where they will understand the importance of friendship. Actually while they are still young and going to school I don’t think there is a real danger of losing touch with the real world. I think the more dangerous years are as a young adult, and young professional, especially today when so many people can work from home using just a phone and a computer
speak soon? 🙂
Sharon
xx
Sharon, I think your concerns are valid for some young people, but at least here in TX, young children and teenagers seem to be very connected through school and summer camps. Many return to the same summer camp year after year, embracing friendships with others from around the state. I know from my own experience that volunteerism and teaching also offered longtime friendships. I think one must take the time to nurture friendships, even across the miles.
Thank you for this wonderfully thoughtful and heartfelt post. I feel the same about my longtime friends from childhood and early adult life. Very special indeed!
You are right Sarah, camps and school friends are great, but as I said to Jen above, its the young adult years that can be more tricky in my experience
Thank you for stopping by
Sharon
xx
Very nice and thoughtful post. I know lots of people who have “friends forever’ from their childhood and technology doesn’t seem to have bothered their friendships, at all. I guess we’re just growing with the trends. I love computers! Have fun with your friend. Lynda
I also love computers and am inordinately pleased to be keeping up with the times!
x
i think friendships this generation with facebook, instgram etc are all about how many people can you have on your list as followers – its about the volume not anything of quality or substance. People would rather communicate on facebook than meet in person at a cafe – this leads to not knowing how to communicate in person as the internet removes the live / human facial expressions.
There is that danger, and maybe that’s why there are so many datings services available because without that ‘artificial’ help, people are simply not meeting enough
x
I know for myself, it has allowed me to reconnect to those that I didn’t remain close to, but wanted to. And I’m making so many more new friends! I see my daughter continuing to enjoy her close friendships, although she is in L.A. and her friends are on the east coast, through the “miracle’ of the internet. It is just like the old days, only quicker!
That’s good to see the positive side too Suzanne, thank you
x
Enjoyed the read, Sharon. I think you are very lucky to have such a friendship. As to answering your question. Hmmm. Not sure. Honestly, I don’t think that friendships like that will be formed online. I hope I’m wrong, though.
thank you Diane, I guess time will tell
x
I think enduring friendships will continue to form for our children, in spite of “social networks” ( and perhaps sometimes, because of them). I don’t believe in the doom and gloom theories so many of us elders hold regarding younger generations. You are very lucky to have a close friend from childhood. I wish it could be the same for everyone, but I think your situation is somewhat unusual. I believe in continuing to form new friendships when we find them, and cherishing the older ones we’re able to hang onto.
I am lucky Katherine, I know. And I also enjoy new friendships, which these days seem to occur in the most unlikely places!
x
Oh how I envy you so. I don’t think I really have ever had anyone that close, ever. This is quite a thought provoking subject Sharon. I’m not really sure but I can see it perhaps happening. I’ve met online female friends in the past & I must say, none of them were as what they appeared to be in person as they were online. It brought an end to that “friendship.” I won’t ever make that mistake again. There are friends of mine that are so good that we pick up where we left off. One in particular knows me like the back of her hand. Our interests are so different though, not a great deal in common anymore.
Have a wonderful time with your friend & what a treasure you both have in each other. X
Thank you Colleen, it is indeed a friendship that we both treasure
x
There was an article about this in our paper today!HAS INTIMACY SUFFERED IN THE INFORMATION AGE?Bottom line YES!Children are not getting the proper attention they need.I have witnessed this many times over……a Mother on her phone not paying any attention to the child who is so graving her to look up and talk to her.I keep saying to myself I am so lucky I will not be around when this generation is grown up and my age now.I already feel the postman will be gone before my time is up.I said to my husband the other night we can get rid of the house phone…..no one calls that number only solicitors!!Why pay the $60.00 or so a month just to have the phone……although I would be terribly sad to see it go!My biggest issue with all this is the fact there are zero manners
taught with these phones……these kids today have no idea its RUDE to be on a phone and checking out at a store.
Ah! So I’m not the only one plagued with those stupid hard sell phonecalls – SO annoying!
Mobile phones are definitely a double edged sword
best to you
Sharon
x
Hi Sharon,
I found your post to bring some very personal thoughts and precious memories to me. I have three friends who are so very special to me. I have known and loved one of them since the very first day of high school when I had just moved to town and knew no one at the school. This gal reached out to me as we stood in a long line to register for a class. Our husbands and children are friends now, and we have traveled in Europe with this couple. The second gal was my partner in my first year of nursing school – we gave each other the first injections we ever gave, and we have been there for each other for MANY years. We do not live near each other, but try to see each other at least twice a year and each visit is precious. The third lady is someone I met when traveling in Norway just over three years ago, who now claims me as her American sister. I am thankful for internet and e-mail so that I can keep in touch with her frequently, even though our face-to-face visits are infrequent.
I love the use of e-mail to connect with all three of these friends, but nothing can beat a hand-written note, photo, or face-to-face visit.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you have a fabulous visit with your friend.
Linda
Now how many friendships have started with injections!!!!? Thank you Linda , I loved to hear about your friends
x
The internet may help us stay connected to a friend, share the latest photo’s when we are far away, and even chat live via skype. Technology cannot bring the warmth that a hug does from a good friend.
I watch my little Granddaughter and even at her age, she knows that it is skipping hand-in-hand with a friend that brings more joy than playing alone on an electronic game.
Maybe Skype will invent a hug button?! I’m thinking not 🙂
Sharon
x
What a sweet post. I believe that the widespread use of technology may cause some people to be less apt to develop true, real-life friendships; however, you yourself are a testament to the fact that many people can and do maintain these precious bonds while using the internet responsibly. The internet is like any other potential vice; it must be carefully balanced in order not to crowd out the other good things in one’s life.
Well put and my sentiments exactly.
While I agree with many commenters here, I also feel that personalities play a large role here. Just as some of us are naturally more sociable, then some of us are going to take the social media in stride. I have found that it is just wonderful to be able to connect with people all over the world. And, as opposed to one commenter who was disappointed when she finally met up face to face, I have had just the opposite…. several times! I am so very pleasantly surprised when I meet a fellow blogger in person: it is pure joy!
Sharon, I have a good friend from childhood like you do, and it is the sweetest relationship! We don’t see each other that often, but when we do it is like we were never apart. A wonderful feeling that I treasure. I think technology helps us to stay connected actually, until we can meet up again.
Hi Sharon!!!
How beautiful put!!!
To have a friend who has been in your life for years and knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is a rare gem.
In my life I had childhood friends that were with me in kindergarten to grade 6 and then we moved and nothing has been the same. I’ve had a few “New” friends since, but, nobody that close as you’ve written. Even though I haven’t meet her in person, I consider S a friend. We were both born in the same area and have a deep love for it.
I made sure that when I had children that we wouldn’t move until they were out of middle school, so that they were able to get older with their childhood friends.
Lucky you!!!!
Enjoy the rest of the week!!!
Pam
xox
Sincere words, sincere friendship should always be treasured. It’s a true friend when one can pick up a conversation as if you had only seen one another yesterday. It is a worry that technology has crept into all our homes, even if we don’t like it, unfortunately it’s here to stay, and as a previous comment mentioned that in the future there will be no post in our letter box, just a ding on our laptop telling us we’ve ”Got Mail ”
Enjoy your visit with your friend.
Sharon I have to agree with you about the internet but is just the way you use it for example in my family we use it to stay in touch since we live in different states it has allow us to stay connected even when we are all busy with our lives and can’t talk to each other all the time. I also think that if we teach our kids that the internet and phones do not take the place of developing human relationships and we must lead by example.
Nothing to add to your post : your are completly right and I feel the same with two girlfriends I met when I was 16. Thank you for this very nice text !
I have one friend from my early school years. We have remained friends now for 50 years despite often living in different cities and now in different countries. As an australian living in France I have embraced email, Facebook and Skype as easy ways to keep in touch with family and friends. Much more immediate than writing letters. My grown-up children are addicted to social media but still have strong relationships with their friends and socialise together at every opportunity. We just have to learn how to use every alternative to enhance our lives. Love your blog and this is an interesting subject for discussion.
What a beautiful post and such interesting responses as well. It gave me a lot to think on!
I can’t say that I have a childhood friend and I wish that I could. My family simply moved around too much for that to happen. But I imagine it must be wonderful. I am very close with my Sister and Mom because of it and so of course have those shared references and family jokes, which I treasure.
As for the internet, I don’t have children so I can’t say in terms of the younger generation but I certainly have been really fortunate to have met female friends that I think will become lasting true friends. My experience has been the opposite of Colleen’s above in that they have each been exactly how I thought they would be and we had developed a strong connection before meeting in person. But Cheri’s comment made me realize that I don’t pick up the phone to call unless it is really “important”–odd how that has changed for me!
Have a wonderful time,
Heather
Hi Sharon,
Have a lovely time with your friend. There’s an old saying,
“Make new friends but the keep the old,
New are silver, the others gold”
It just about says it all, doesn’t it? There is nothing quite like catching up with an old friend and picking up just where you left off.
Love this post…cannot imagine life without my great friends. So blessed to have a handful of true friends who I know would be there for me no matter what.I absolutely wonder myself if the very notion of friendship as we know it is changing, relationships for that matter. You know when there is a movie about a man who actually has a “relationship” with someone on the computer….things have really changed and in my opinion changed far too fast!!
Nothing will ever take the place of real live connections with people, hearing their laughter, giving them a hug, whatever makes them unique is lost if its all being done via text and email! I am all for putting a pause on all this super fast changing technology and just taking time to appreciate and enjoy what we have instead of looking for an even faster way to get there.
My best friend is the mother of the best friend of my daughters.The elders and also the youngers were 8 years at the same class at school.
We started our friendship when our youngsters were in the kindergarden and met at birthday parties organized for the kids.Now as all of them are on their own way the friendships remained and sometimes even extended with those joining us during the years.5 years ago we celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary in Florence and this September our 40th in Berlin.
Dorka from the deep snow in the Plain in Hungary http://www.dorottyaudvar.co.hu
To have a friendship continue this length of time given all the obstacles to such intimacy is, as you have expressed, truly wonderful.
To be known for almost all of your life by another, and vice versa, is indeed a great gift you have given to each other.
Few of us are fortunate enough to have friendships of that length, although at this point in life, I am friends with some folks for close to 5 decades!
Friends of the heart, friends of the road. Relationships come in many different forms and though some may not “last”, it does not mean that they did not have purpose and value for the individuals.
Social media, etc. has a place in ferreting out perhaps casual contacts or reconnecting with folks to whom you are not all that close but just want a simple, and not ongoing, way to reach out periodically. Personally, any relationship of true intimacy is NOT one I want to share online with others. I prefer privacy.
Even when we use electronics/tech to stay in touch (Skype video!), it is never a substitute for being with someone face to face and in the flesh. You can’t hold hands or embrace each other on Skype (yea, a hug button! Clever idea Sharon!). We humans long for real connection and there is emotional pain when we are unable to be physically present with those we love.
As for those who have been disappointed by those they met online. Well, people misrepresent themselves all the time, including in person. I have met some extraordinary people online, some of whom became close friends. I have met some who I thought were friends and turned out not to be. That happens in “real” life too.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. There’s a place for technology, especially when people far across the globe have relevant information, etc. to share with us.
There’s no going back, only working on ways to focus on how we create real intimacy in this time-challenged world we live in. Those we share our lives–our daily lives, with the ups and downs–especially from a certain point, whether childhood, high school or college and beyond–require effort on both of our parts to stay connected.
Friendships like anything worthwhile require cultivation and attention and presence. Otherwise, they can whither just like our unattended gardens.
Friendship, because it is about choice, may be the ultimate gift we give ourselves and give of ourselves.
Lovely entry.
I completely agree with you. I have had the same sort of friend, we were even born in the same hospital 2 days apart. Every thought, every creation, we agreed upon. No words were needed, though we talked 4-6-8 times a day. The simpatico was perfect. I don’t think anything is as gratifying as girlfriends, lifelong girlfriends. This is a beautiful post, Sharon.
xx’s
Hi Sharon
Lovely post
You and I are lucky I have a friend just like that.
I am thankful for her everyday.
to answer your thought, I don’t think so.
They have a different kind of relationship a touch and go,
we have a stay. That’s not to say that kind doesn’t mean anything
I’am sure that they do, in a different way. And some people can’t
handle what we have and some just don’t want it.
have a good one
Darlene
Your post reminded me of my first and very best friend, who lived two houses down when I was born. So I have never known life without her. She is six months older than me. We have gone through everything together. We were in each other’s weddings…we both have four kids very close in age. We both ended up moving to the United States (we are Canadians) and live very far apart. But we get to stay connected by texting and the odd FaceTime and phone call. We watch each other’s kids grow up on Facebook and comment and show our kids. We have only gotten to see each other twice in the last ten years (our parents live in the same town still).
With 4 kids under ten, getting a phone call in is pretty difficult for both of us. But when our kids did get to see each other two summers ago, it didn’t take them too long to warm up because they had gotten to see so many pictures of each other.
My oldest is 10…..some of her friends have phones (ours don’t) and when they come over to play, they spend so much time on their devices. It bothers me. I limit my kids screen time. It is a bit of a double edged sword. I wouldn’t trade being able to video chat with my 92 year old grandmother in Canada for anything. Well all my family in Canada. And my bestie in Michigan. But I hate to see kids sitting beside each other on screens instead of interacting with each other.
Now I am rambling :). Thanks for the lovely post. It made me smile and hope one day soon my oldest friend and I will be sitting over coffee chatting about life.
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